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Focus on Marriage Podcast

The Difference 3 Seconds Can Make

Focus on Marriage Podcast

Focus on the Family

Society & Culture, Relationships

4.71.7K Ratings

🗓️ 12 August 2025

⏱️ 13 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you're ever mad with your spouse, it's good to pause before saying something you regret later. Greg and Erin Smalley talk about the value of pausing before you explode in a marriage argument. Also, Ryan Frederick joins Jim Daly to address how a husband can respond well when he's upset with his wife.

 

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Transcript

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0:00.0

God is at work and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new

0:05.6

documentary from Focus on the Family in the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose

0:11.1

courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising starting September 5th and find out how

0:17.4

you can be a part of the change and become an agent of restoration.

0:22.4

Sign up at truthrising.com.

0:24.8

That's truthrising.com.

0:30.9

If you're in a heated moment with your spouse, you've got an option.

0:38.6

I mean, you can kind of lean into the emotion and blow up, as I might tend to do.

0:43.3

Or you can catch your breath and just take a moment and refrain from that negative word.

0:50.0

I'm John Fuller, along with Greg Smalley and his wife, Erin, who lead the Focus Marriage Department.

0:54.9

And, Erin, you work with couples a lot.

0:57.5

Conflict is no doubt part of the reason that they're in the office with you.

1:01.4

How important is it for couples to understand a pause button can be powerful during a conflict?

1:08.0

Well, I've learned this in my own life as well.

1:10.6

And I was sitting here smiling because over and over again I hear about things that are said in the heat of the moment. And then, of course, what do we, all of us do? We apologize. Like, I didn't mean it. But once it said, then the other person is going well, did they really mean it? They said it.

1:28.2

It was there at some level.

1:30.0

And I've learned for me personally, taking a time out, stepping back, breathing, just de-escalating

1:36.4

before I engage is so critical because anything that comes out of my mouth from the point

1:41.7

of being triggered on, I will regret. And it will cost me my

1:45.9

integrity because that's not who I am nor who I want to be. So it's so important to just hit the

1:51.9

pause button, step away. It doesn't have to be a long time, maybe 15, 20 minutes of just breathing

1:59.1

and then coming back and re-engaging in the conversation

...

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