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If you're in a heated moment with your spouse, you've got an option.

I mean, you can kind of lean into the emotion and blow up, as I might tend to do.

Or you can catch your breath and just take a moment and refrain from that negative word.

I'm John Fuller, along with Greg Smalley and his wife, Erin, who lead the Focus Marriage Department.

And, Erin, you work with couples a lot.

Conflict is no doubt part of the reason that they're in the office with you.

How important is it for couples to understand a pause button can be powerful during a conflict?

Well, I've learned this in my own life as well.

And I was sitting here smiling because over and over again I hear about things that are said in the heat of the moment. And then, of course, what do we, all of us do? We apologize. Like, I didn't mean it. But once it said, then the other person is going well, did they really mean it? They said it.

It was there at some level.

And I've learned for me personally, taking a time out, stepping back, breathing, just de-escalating

before I engage is so critical because anything that comes out of my mouth from the point

of being triggered on, I will regret. And it will cost me my

integrity because that's not who I am nor who I want to be. So it's so important to just hit the

pause button, step away. It doesn't have to be a long time, maybe 15, 20 minutes of just breathing

and then coming back and re-engaging in the conversation

...