The Dark Reality of 'Skinny Privilege' (w/ Nava Kavelin)
Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer
Headgum & Nicole Byer
4.8 • 15.6K Ratings
🗓️ 28 November 2025
⏱️ 56 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When Nava Kavelin (host of Podcrushed) lost weight at 16, the shift in how the world treated her was immediate and jarring. She went from being invisible to having 10 boys aggressively pursuing her. She joins Nicole to unpack the complicated resentment of suddenly becoming "visible" to people who previously looked right through you.
They get into why reciprocity is the bare minimum for a good relationship, the misery of dating someone long-term who won't commit, and how soap operas like Passions warped their brains into thinking it’s okay to chase people who don't like you. Nava also shares the time she downplayed her Baha'i faith for a Southern Baptist boy who turned out to only be interested in converting her.
Plus, the shocking research she uncovered at the UN about how media impacts girls of color - they are sexualized as young as 3 years old, and unchecked access to porn is normalizing violence for teenagers.
Meanwhile, Nicole attempts to connect with the youths, and recounts the wild, slightly racist routine she saw at Criss Angel's Las Vegas show.
Heads up: This episode contains spoilers to Netflix's You.
Check out Nava's new book, Crushmore at simonandschuster.com/books/Crushmore/Penn-Badgley/9781668077993
Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. |
| 0:07.0 | This is a headgum podcast. |
| 0:11.0 | I had a friend whose dad died and she, she's kind of a public figure. And when her dad died, she lost like 30 pounds, like, you know, the grief, whatever. And she said that she's never been more said and asked out on |
| 0:21.6 | more dates and so she was like it wasn't just that i because sometimes you're like well when you're |
| 0:24.6 | more confident you project a more happy energy she was like i was miserable and men were asking me out |
| 0:29.7 | all the time oh and i was like oh that's so fucking sad but it's true it is |
| 0:34.9 | why won't you date me Why won't you date me? |
| 0:38.9 | Why won't you date me? |
| 0:40.7 | Why won't you date me? |
| 0:42.7 | Please tell me why. |
| 0:52.4 | Ooh, baby. |
| 0:53.6 | Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? |
| 0:56.6 | A podcast where me and a Cole Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single, |
| 1:00.2 | even though you could come in my hand and tell me it was Moose. |
| 1:03.5 | My guest today is the host of the podcast Pod Crush. |
| 1:10.3 | Her debut book, Crushmore, Essaysmore essays on love loss and coming of age |
| 1:14.5 | is out now i've read bits and pieces of this book and it's so special and it's so wonderful |
| 1:20.3 | and i feel like a lot of people don't like reflect about the good and the bad of growing up just a lot of the bad anyway |
| 1:29.6 | it's nava gavelin so excited to be here thank you nicole thank you so much for being here in the book |
| 1:37.9 | you write about losing a bunch of weight and then the boys like more boys confess that they liked |
| 1:44.1 | you yeah yeah is that something |
| 1:45.8 | that stays with you yes so i the summer that i was 16 i got really skinny um not totally in an |
... |
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