The Cow Beef

Judge John Hodgman

Jesse Thorn

World, Show, Complete, Hodgeman, Comedy, Pc, Daily, Hodgman, Mac, More, Expertise, Knowledge, Information

4.8 • 7.7K Ratings

🗓️ 20 July 2011

⏱️ 36 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Ted brings this case against his father Paul, who has become obsessed with cows. Ted argues that his father's cow collection and his inclination to randomly say the word cow, among other issues, indicate the need to tamp down the cow-talk. Paul argues that his obsession is merited, because "cows are our most important animal friends."

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman Podcast, I'm Baelif Jesse Thorn.
0:05.4	This week, the cow beef.
0:07.8	Ted is our complainant.
0:09.6	He writes, I have a huge problem.
0:12.4	I've got a father who's obsessed with cows.
0:16.2	My parents have accumulated about 30 stuffed cows.
0:20.4	My dad will randomly say cow without prompting as if it were a verbal tick.
0:28.6	I'm wondering if you can help me.
0:30.6	Our respondent is Paul Ted's father.
0:33.6	Only one man can decide how to handle this bovine situation.
0:39.0	Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.
0:42.4	I worship justice and I shall defend its worship against the whole world.
0:47.8	Justice is a poem on pity.
0:51.4	Wow, that's really impressive, Judge.
0:53.3	Yes, you will soon learn why.
0:55.5	Go ahead and swear them in Baelif Jesse.
0:57.9	Please rise and raise your right hand.
0:59.5	Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,
1:02.2	so help you God or whatever?
1:03.9	I do.
1:04.9	Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling,
1:08.5	despite the fact that the only thing he worships is a golden calf?
	...

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