Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylif Jesse Thorn. This week, or derives

in the court, Mike brings the case. He has three sons, aged 13, 11, and nine. He describes

them as the three most finicky people in the world. At a recent family gathering, he asked

them to try bacon-wrapped scallops. Despite the fact that they loved bacon and had never tried

bacon-wrapped scallops, the three children demurred. He offered them five dollars each, if they would

each eat one. They each tried one and loved it. The three young men came to Mike asking for five

dollars each. Mike said that because they loved the bacon-wrapped scallops, they didn't deserve

five dollars. Their payment was in the form of a delicious treat and an informative life experience.

Ellen, Mike's wife, represents the three children. She says that five dollars a scallop is five

dollars a scallop. Only one man can decide who will get five dollars and who will get an important

life lesson. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

Jesse, did you say Bailiff Gessie Thorn or Jesse Thorn? It's possible I said Bailiff Gessie Thorn.

Are you pronouncing your J's differently now? It's over 90 degrees here in Los Angeles.

Well boy. My mind is clouded. It's last day of school. I think everyone's a little giddy.

Hey guys, do you know what I'm on the seafood diet? When I see food, I dispense justice.

Please rise and raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever?

Yes, I do. I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that his

preferred hors d'oeuvre is bacon wrapped bacon slices? I do. Yes, I do. Very well, Judge Hodgman.

I call bacon slices mock scallops. We're talking about one of my favorite topics,

not just seafood but hors d'oeuvres, and also like the best that's you know what I'm if you look

at a food pyramid, that should be every step of the food pyramid, frankly, hors d'oeuvres or d'oeuvres

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