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The Art of Charm

The Career Cost of Staying Quiet | Elaine Hering

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Education, Business, Health & Fitness

4.711K Ratings

🗓️ 8 June 2026

⏱️ 60 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Most people think having a voice means talking more. It doesn’t. AJ sits down with former Harvard Law lecturer Elaine Lin Hering to explore why so many capable people stay silent at work, in relationships, and in life — even when that silence comes at a cost. From people-pleasing and perfectionism to psychological safety, leadership, and self-advocacy, Elaine explains why silence is often learned, reinforced by our environments, and mistaken for professionalism. This episode offers a practical framework for speaking up without becoming someone you’re not — and why finding your voice has less to do with volume and more to do with expressing your perspective, needs, and expertise. Chapters 00:00 – Why capable people stay silent07:00 – Speaking up without becoming someone else14:00 – The hidden role of environment and leadership22:00 – People-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-silencing30:00 – High-stakes conversations and finding your voice40:00 – The cost calculator: when to speak up47:00 – The 4-step process for using your voice55:00 – The 3 levers of influence beyond speaking louder communication skills, self-advocacy, leadership, psychological safety, people pleasing, perfectionism, confidence, workplace communication, difficult conversations, emotional intelligence, speaking up, career growth, influence, self expression, professional development, workplace culture, introverts, relationships, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Some follow the noise.

0:03.0

Bloomberg follows the money, whether it's the funds fueling AI or crypto's trillion

0:07.7

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0:13.5

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0:18.5

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0:38.9

Visit Medexpress.co.uk.uk slash podcast to get started today. It's way easier to say, oh, they're the quiet one.

0:44.2

They need to do some professional development. Then maybe we can promote them or hear them or respect

0:48.6

them versus I as a leader or just as a human being in this world might have something to do with whether or not

0:56.7

they feel safe or think it's worthwhile to actually show up. If you're newer to a team, you're

1:02.2

usually looking around saying, how do things work around here? And if we only see the CEO,

1:08.6

only see the senior leader speaking, and we see that when other people ask questions,

1:14.5

the senior leaders get defensive, or there is retaliation, or it's too costly. We very naturally

1:20.9

conclude, I guess we don't actually speak up around here, because the costs are too high. What

1:26.5

world am I creating? Are we creating a culture of voice

1:28.7

or creating a culture of silence? Welcome back to the show. Today we're talking to

1:41.7

to Elaine Lynn Herring, Former Harvard Law Lecturer and author

1:45.5

of Unlearning Silence, How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully. Elaine spent her

1:51.5

career studying why capable people stay silent when it costs them and how leaders inadvertently

1:56.5

silenced their own teams. You'll learn why talking is not the same thing as having a voice,

2:01.6

how silence undercuts your influence at work, and what creates environments where people speak up

...

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