The Boys Talk Live Show Chaos, George WINS Strictly and Andrew Tells Tour Stories!
The Useless Hotline
Max Balegde & George Clarke
4.8 • 701 Ratings
🗓️ 20 February 2026
⏱️ 39 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
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Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.
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00:00 - Intro: Our tour journey and what to expect from this episode
00:20 - Hilarious tour start and Belfast dressing room chaos
02:18 - Tour highlights and strange fan encounters
04:10 - Strictly dance wins and the chaos around voting
05:50 - Funny school stories and learning disabilities on tour
07:45 - The drunken Irish night out and mishaps
12:05 - The epic night out in Newcastle gone wrong
14:10 - Stage antics and the drunken club appearance stories
18:20 - Audience antics, fan stories, and backstage surprises
22:18 - The mysterious "Chopped Cow" fanfic and ridiculous fan interactions
26:37 - Audience behavior, crowd engagement, and wildest moments
30:45 - General tour reflections, upcoming shows, and the travel chaos
35:42 - The differences between social media fans and live audiences
37:14 - Tour wrap-up, gratitude to fans, and future plans
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | We're on four. This is our... |
| 0:01.0 | This is our fourth stop of the Torn. Alright, okay, is this you trying to bring up that you won the tour? Yeah, in an enchalant way. Some people were... uh, caesarians. I know Batch, for example, was an ale berth. Oh, I'm a sex, baby. I was born after sex. Well, the tremor would kind of make it a bit more exciting of anything. So when I did go over my reptile exam, I said... People started requesting you, didn't they? Well, the doctor was kind of in and out, and I said, no. I pre-bugged texture time. Come on, let's get back in there. I think I might be the first president of history to have said that., nation's fucked and it all stems from little kids with tremors. |
| 0:39.2 | But Newcastle was a great time until I even tried to get the crown to stop booies, George, |
| 0:45.7 | and it was unsuccessful. |
| 0:47.3 | We've literally first hand broke up with someone's boyfriend for them, |
| 0:50.1 | and then kind of secondhand broke up with another person's boyfriend. |
| 0:54.1 | Yeah. Yeah, so first one, this girl said that Andrew, as someone who's been on the tour, what's been some of your highlights? All my highlights? Um, Nando's has been a highlight. Absolute mic drop. Can I get a six inch clip, please? Hello, my name is Max Bellegde. And I'm not Max. I'm George. Look at the West. We're sat next week show there. I can reach you. I can touch you. I can't usually touch you in an episode. That's weird. Yeah. True. We're here in Belfast. Welcome to the Usis Hotline podcast. We are currently on tour. This is one of our dressing |
| 1:28.8 | rooms. Heck yeah. This is the other half-lib guys. If you ever want to, this is something to |
| 1:34.0 | describe for. Yeah. This is a big moment, guys. We've got... I'll say, should I dress the elephant? |
| 1:41.9 | Does my face really red still? |
| 1:45.5 | A little bit. |
| 1:47.1 | Yeah, but I do it's absolutely. |
| 1:50.5 | Sorry, I'm just really, really athletic these days. |
| 1:55.1 | We barely even got to the hotel and I insisted on doing your run. |
| 1:57.1 | You did. |
| 1:58.7 | You just built different. |
| 2:01.3 | Meanwhile, I've been a big fat fatty cake. |
| 2:06.2 | I've just eaten everything in sight, drank everything in sight, and I feel like I've expanded so much. |
| 2:09.3 | You had a bucakia cake. |
| 2:12.2 | I did. |
| 2:13.0 | You had a boo cake. |
| 2:14.0 | I really did. |
... |
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