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Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

The Boundaries We Need (Melissa Urban)

Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

Elise Loehnen

Society & Culture, Religion & Spirituality, Self-improvement, Education

4.8900 Ratings

🗓️ 23 November 2022

⏱️ 63 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

“Boundaries don't tell other people what to do. They tell other people what you are willing to do to take responsibility for your own needs and your own feelings and keep yourself safe and healthy. And they actually are, as we've discussed, a gift to your relationship, they make relationships better. And when you turn it around on its head like that, I think number one, that helps people understand all of the benefits to your relationship when each party does take responsibility for how they feel and for their needs. And it also gives you a sense of empowerment. I think people feel like, Oh, I can't set boundaries because what if the other person won't do it or doesn't say yes? And when I tell them, Oh no, no, no, your boundary cannot depend on somebody else. It is only dependent on what you are willing and able to do.” So says Melissa Urban, a woman who can do everything. Not only is the founder of Whole30, she’s a six-time New York Times best-selling author. Her latest is the subject of our conversation today: It’s called "The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free,” which is the result of helping her community navigate through their relationships to…pretty much everything as they begin to fix and adjust their relationship to their own bodies and food. She is a fierce proponent of self-efficacy and a commitment to showing up for yourself in all aspects of life. In our conversation, we discuss what a boundary even means—and how difficult it is for us to address what’s at the root of establishing them, which is our NEEDS. Melissa guides us through relatable scenarios, like with the in-laws or a boss, where boundaries might be missing. And we talk about the qualities of niceness and how they can get in the way of caring for ourselves: Melissa, who is fierce in her directness, distinguishes between the quality of niceness and the quality of kindness in a very profound way. And it all comes to this: We must first be kind to ourselves before we can show up with kindness in the world. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: Direct not rude… Boundaries don’t tell other people what to do… Set limits, set expectations… Make the goal showing up for yourself… MORE FROM MELISSA URBAN: The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free Check out Melissa's Website Follow Melissa on Instagram and Twitter To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hi, it's Elise Loonen host of Pulling the Thread.

0:04.2

Today's guest is the wonderful and fierce Melissa Urban, creator of Whole 30 and the author

0:10.3

of The Book of Boundaries.

0:12.9

Love game shows.

0:14.7

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0:16.0

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0:24.3

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0:26.5

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0:28.3

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0:31.8

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0:33.7

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0:35.6

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0:39.1

Max stakes applied. Visit 32red.com for full terms. Hi, it's Elise Lunan, host of Pulling the Thread.

0:57.1

I'm an author, podcast host, and parent who built a long career in media.

1:01.5

I grew up in a state of perpetual curiosity, investigating the world and asking a lot of questions.

1:08.0

In this show, I chat with culture defining leaders, thinkers, and experts

1:12.3

about this rare moment that we find ourselves in and how to think about our own lives and

1:17.0

experiences within a larger social and spiritual construct.

1:22.7

Foundries don't tell other people what to do. They tell other people what you are willing to do to take

1:30.1

responsibility for your own needs and your own feelings and keep yourself safe and healthy.

1:35.2

And they actually are, as we've discussed, a gift to your relationship. They make relationships

...

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