Welcome to another episode of Relationship Theory.

I'm your co-host Tom Billiou and I'm here with my lovely wife

with her hair freshly did, Lisa Billiou. My baby! What's going on? I'm ready to rock you ready? Let's do this. I'm excited for today's episode. Yeah? Because it's something that I've actually really wanted to talk about. Oh. So we went in and looked for a question that actually fits this theme. Let's hear it. All right. And I actually don't know who it is.

You don't.

It kinda sounds like a setup but I really don't.

There's no setup.

Um, alright, so the question... for a question that actually fits this theme. Let's hear it. All right. And I actually don't know what it is. You don't.

It kind of sounds like a set up, but I really don't. It's not a set up. All right, so the question comes from Carolina Jocco Weetz. I'm sure I've put to that name. I've put to that. There's a lot of letters that sound look silent. So, all right. Hello you amazing people, question around children.

Sounds like Tom was a no and Lisa used to be a maybe. At some point decision has to be made so you can focus on the future. I'm in exactly the same situation with huge plans to build a business with my partner and kids just don't fit in there which I'm happy with. Lisa, do you ever think what if one day my body would want children? I feel stronger made right decisions but would be interested to hear your thoughts. So... Well, it's a question direct to you. Well, so let's talk about our decision to not have kids and how we came about that. So I really wanted kids. In fact, the most truthful way for me to explain this is I really want kids even today. Like I really want kids. And every now and then something will happen. I'll see something on TV and a movie, a friend, whatever, and I'll think kids would be dope. And then I remember the only thing I want more than I want kids is to not have kids. And if I could do both like if there were some way to, which I guess is why parents are like, I like being a grandparent because it's like you feel connected to them, you're genetically related, like you have a reason to emotionally invest. But you can give them back. But yeah, they go home. So I do get why people have kids and I think that it would be a tremendously beautiful experience. But when I think about what I want my day-to-day life to be, the things that light me on fire and make me most passionate, it's just not that. And when I'm very grateful that I big-brothered as long as I did, because it very much had that vibe to it, and all of the beautiful and all of the horrifying. And that was when I really started seeing the realities. So as we, but I didn't have anything else, right? So when you think about fulfillment in your life and you're in your 20s and you've never experienced fulfillment, other than through a relationship like that, that becomes the de facto. And I think one of the reasons that so many people have kids and one of the reasons that kids is such an amazing path for so many people is it really is pretty instantaneous fulfillment. Like suddenly you're of service to somebody else. It's about love, it's about putting somebody else first, it's about getting good at taking care of them and that has real world implications and they're able to go on to do things and also just especially for the woman, biologically your brain goes through these massive changes. So it is a very fulfilling path to go down. But as I got older and engaged more in building things and creating things and touching people's lives through what I'm able to build, I saw that not only was it a path to fulfillment, but for me, it was actually more rewarding. And building was more rewarding than it had been to Big Brother. Now, I get that that's a shade of parenting. It is not full-blown real parenting. I could see that this is something that feeds me tremendously and became when I really played out the two versions of my life. One where I have this extraordinary transformational experience from raising a child, this extraordinary relationship as an adult with adult children and all of that, versus being able to really pour myself into the marriage and not having, because that's a whole another thing. And now I'm really in danger of just talking too much from this person. That's really what I want to hear from you. But the other thing was being in a marriage, the thing that makes it worthwhile to me is being somebody's number one. So if we have kids, I would immediately not be your number one. So that's just a reality. So I didn't want to put myself in that situation when I had another path to extraordinary fulfillment in front of me. So once I started weighing everything, it just became abundantly clear to me that that was a better choice for me. Well, I want to take it back because I hear totally what you're saying, but Mr. Biliou himself is all about specific tactics, specific words. And so I just want to really take people down the path of what mean you have discussed in the past and how we've come to this conclusion, because it wasn't an overnight thing, right? And this is actually one reason why I really want to talk about it today.

It's because people have asked me on social like,

oh, why have you chosen some half-kids?

And there's so many little things that we've done, and nuances that we've said to each other, discussions that we had that is way more in-depth than just kind of writing a generic reply. So I really wanted to talk about it. So just setting the stage, I'm a Greek girl, been brought up, you're going to get married

and have kids, even though I had big dreams and aspirations, that was kind of always on,

you know, that was my path apparently according to my family. And I really wanted kids, like, I, it never even occurred to me that I wouldn't. I didn't know anyone growing up that didn't have a kid that was married. Everyone, if you didn't have a kid, it was because the woman had never got married and so kind of grown. It's like, okay, well if you get married you have children.

And so when I'm off... that was married. Everyone, if you didn't have a kid, it was because the woman had never got married and so kind of grown and it's like, okay, well if you get married you have children.

And so when I'm our first date, I remember saying to you like, oh, so do you ever want to get married

and have kids and you're like, yeah, maybe. And I, you were actually the first person that I

first guy that I met that was like, maybe. Like, I don't know, sure, maybe. It was always like, of course I'm gonna have kids.

So that actually was the first time that I ever thought about it as being, wow, it's an option. And then anyway, we got into our relationship, we got married. For me, you know, like I'd always wanted children, so I said, almost I think a year into our marriage, because that was what, again, I'd kind of been trained in the Greek culture where you get married

and then put it much within the year,

almost every one I knew felt pregnant.

So I kind of just thought that was what we were going to do. And I remember you saying like are you joking, mate? Like I want to spend time with you. I got married because I want to have you first. Like I want to have you all to myself first. If kids are going to be for a lifetime I want these first few years to be just us and we're still young. I was 22 when we got married.

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