Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylor F. Jessie Thorn. This week, the bedroom

three way. Corey, Tyler, and Caitlin are college pals at Ball State University. They've rented

a three bedroom apartment with one huge bedroom and two tiny ones who deserves the premium

space. Corey, the eldest, Tyler, the musician, Caitlin, who lives in the apartment already, only one

man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

That's Sylvestre Stallone is Judge Dread. Another famous judge. Another famous judge of

mega city one. You know, they're making a new, they're making a new Judge Dread movie.

They are? Yeah, starring Steve Buscemi. Makes sense. As Judge Steve Buscemi. They haven't cast

Judge Dread yet, but he's the main villain. Corey, Tyler, Caitlin, please raise your right hands.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you

God or whatever? I do. Yeah. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling,

despite the fact that he uses upwards of three bedrooms to sleep in each night?

Very well, Judge Hodgman. So who is the complainant in this case? Corey. It's an unusual

situation because we have a three way race for justice here. Three ways are more common in college.

So who is the primary male in this polyamorous triad? I would like to say

it was me. Is that Corey? I'm not quite sure to say it. This is Corey, yes. Okay.

Corey, why don't you explain the situation and try to just explain it without a lot of prejudice

and a lot of anger and a lot of sort of polyamorous rage? Of course. I mean, I try and live my life

through the principles of polyamory, but I'll do my best to keep it. You're all college students.

Yeah. We are all three of us are college students at an accredited university in the United States.

That we are ball state. Ball state, the college that sounds like it is a made-up college for a

rippled Hollywood frat movie. Yeah. And I also believe the alma mater of David Letterman. No,

...