Happy Father's Day, or as Yahweh's disciples might call it, emotionally and physically abuse your kids' day, because the Bible's original dad has a parenting style straight out of a psychological horror franchise.

Obey me or roast forever.

Love me while I drown every living thing.

And how about the classic, hey, Abraham, why not knife your little boy on the mountain there

just to prove that you're my number one fan?

Nothing says paternal devotion, like nearly turning your kid into brisket, because the voices

in your head told you to.

Fast forward a few millennia, and the faithful use Michael Pearls to train up a child,

which is basically a DIY guide for converting PVC pipe into holy trauma wand on their toddlers.

Yahweh's playbook for parenting is pretty simple. Keep them terrified, call it love,

and then remind them that your love is contingent upon perfect obedience.

Sprinkle in some Sunday school bedtime stories about hell, which is basically an eternal

torture chamber filled with pineapples and bad decisions. And you've got a psychological

warfare masquerading his discipline. Teaching a seven-year-old that one wrong thought earns them an eternity on a divine grill is emotional abuse, full stop.

It's cosmic gaslighting.

If an earthly father said,

Jimothy, I love you unconditionally, but cross me and I'll lock you in the basement, torture chamber forever.

We'd call the cops on that person.

We would not invite them to be the youth coordinator.

The benefit of not being beholden to some cosmic dictator is that you don't have to

traumatize your kids into acting the way that you want.

You have the option to set them up to succeed rather than traumatize them into obeying.

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