The Anxious Avoidant TRAP
Almost Adulting with Violet Benson
Violet Benson
4.8 • 4.1K Ratings
🗓️ 25 April 2025
⏱️ 50 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Ever wonder why YOU are SO addicted to people who pull away? Today, you’ll finally find out.
If the harder you chase, the faster they run — you might be trapped in the anxious-avoidant cycle: where one partner craves closeness, and the other panics when things get too real. In this BBC episode, Violet breaks down why this dynamic feels like home but leaves you emotionally starved.
Inspired by the book Attached, we dive into real stories, psych-backed insights, and how to finally break free.
Bonus: Don’t miss the quiz at the end—It’ll help you decode your partner’s attachment style fast. Jump to minute 37:00 if you’re done guessing and ready to know who you’re really dealing with.
Wanna listen to this episode AD FREE?? Go to my ad free subscription at - https://almostadulting.supercast.com
Today's episode is brought to you by:
NULLY CLOTHING RENTAL - Just go to Nuuly.com and use my code ADULTING to get $28 off your first month.
PRETTY LITTER - Get 20% off on your FIRST order + get a FREE cat toy + FREE shipping when you go to prettylitter.com/adulting
SHOPIFY - Sign up for your ONE DOLLAR per-month trial period at Shopify.com/adulting
PAIRED APP - Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at HERE
RULA HEALTH - Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/adulting
SIMPLY POP - Spill the Pop tour with Remi & Alisha from Pretty basic is coming to a city near you!! For tour information and FREE tickets, visit cokeurl.com/simplyPOPtour , but hurry! Availability is limited.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | People with an anxious attachment style, they cope with threats to the relationship by activating |
| 0:05.1 | their attachment style, by trying to get closer to their partner. If they feel like they're pulling |
| 0:09.0 | away, they run closer. But people who are avoidant, they have the opposite reaction. They cope |
| 0:15.3 | with threats by deactivating. They take measures then to distance themselves from their partners |
| 0:20.5 | and turn off their |
| 0:22.0 | attachment system. Thus, the closer the anxious tries to get, the more distant the avoidant will |
| 0:26.9 | act. To make matters worse, one partner's activation further reinforces that others |
| 0:31.6 | deactivation in a vicious cycle, and they both remain within the relationship's danger zone. |
| 0:37.3 | It's by Levincenton, your favorite meme queen and the big sis you didn't ask for, but |
| 0:41.5 | seed, welcome to Almost Adolting. |
| 0:45.6 | Almost Adolting. |
| 0:49.4 | Are you ready? |
| 0:52.2 | Hi, Besties, and welcome to a brand new Almost new almost adulting the largest self-up podcasts and movement. |
| 0:57.7 | Your number one destination, personal growth, mental health, dating, everything in between. |
| 1:01.4 | I'm your Russian big sister, Viallietta. |
| 1:04.1 | And welcome to a brand new episode. |
| 1:07.2 | Today, we are back for another BBC. |
| 1:11.6 | It sounds exactly what you think it is. |
| 1:13.8 | It is Benson Book Club. |
| 1:15.5 | Since I'm writing a book and it will most likely come out the first quarter of next month, |
| 1:20.0 | I've decided to dedicate one episode a month this year to my Benson Book Club, |
| 1:24.9 | where I will cover some of my favorite chapters from my favorite books where we can |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Violet Benson, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Violet Benson and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2025.