The #1 Question to Ask Before You End a Relationship (THIS Episode Will Give You the Clarity You Have Been Looking For!)
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 28.5K Ratings
🗓️ 29 August 2025
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When was the last time you felt genuinely happy with your partner?
Do you feel more stressed or more at peace in your relationship?
Today, Jay dives into one of the most draining patterns in relationships: trying to change someone who isn’t ready to change. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, we often convince ourselves that if we just love harder, give more, or push in the right way, they’ll finally become the version of themselves we know they could be. Jay reminds us, people don’t change because of our hopes, our timelines, or our pain, they change when they’re ready and when the cost of staying the same finally outweighs the cost of growth.
Jay dives into the psychology of why we hold on to someone’s potential, even when their actions show otherwise, often rooted in our own unmet needs or fear of being alone. He reminds us that the clearest way to see reality is to believe what people do, not what they say, and that patterns, not promises, reveal who someone truly is right now. Jay also challenges the belief that trying to change someone is an act of love, showing how it’s more often a form of control that keeps us from confronting our own discomfort.
You’ll learn how to practice radical acceptance, not as giving up, but as an act of respect for yourself and the other person. Jay reveals why the most loving choice is sometimes to step back or let go entirely, showing that real change only happens in environments of shared commitment, not through pressure, persuasion, or endless patience.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to Stop Falling for Someone’s Potential
How to See Patterns Instead of Promises
How to Practice Radical Acceptance Without Lowering Your Standards
How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Control
How to Let Go Without Losing Compassion
No matter where you are in your relationship journey, remember: you’re not here to be someone’s savior. You’re here to love them as they are, or love yourself enough to walk away.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Introduction
01:08 Can You Really Change Someone?
01:55 Patterns Tell You More Than Words Ever Will
03:35 The Illusion Of Potential
06:45 Actions Over Words
09:39 Control Isn’t Love!
12:32 The Hardest Form of Love: Radical Acceptance
18:01 Only They Can Choose to Change
21:32 Priorities Vs Preferences
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an IHeart podcast. |
| 0:04.4 | Creativity is personal. |
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| 0:22.4 | because neither do you. One device, all your worlds. Shop now at Lenovo.com slash back to school. |
| 0:29.3 | Lenovo, Lenovo. Bold ideas brought to life wherever inspiration strikes. People change when they're ready, not when you beg. |
| 0:40.4 | People change when their patterns hurt them, not just you. |
| 0:46.2 | People change when they're humbled by reality, not when they're pressured by others. |
| 0:53.2 | People change when it costs them something, not just you. |
| 0:58.8 | People change for themselves, not for your hope, not for your timeline, not for your pain. |
| 1:07.0 | The number one health and wellness podcast. |
| 1:09.7 | Jay Shetty. |
| 1:10.5 | Jay Shetty. He won the podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He won, the only. Jay Shetty. |
| 1:15.4 | Hey, how's it going? Welcome back to On Purpose. It's Jay Shetty. I am so grateful to each and every one of you |
| 1:22.1 | who've already subscribed. And if you haven't, it would mean the world to me if you click that button to make sure you never miss out on an episode. |
| 1:31.2 | We're all here to become happier, healthier and more healed. |
| 1:35.0 | If you're someone that's on their spiritual journey, on your personal growth journey, this is the right place to be. |
| 1:42.6 | This episode today is about something that we all struggle with. |
| 1:49.1 | How many of you know someone, you see their potential, and when they don't live up to it, |
| 1:56.3 | you feel pain. How many of you really want to change someone who's close to you? Could be a parent, |
... |
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