Welcome to Nobody Told Me.

I'm Laura Owen and I'm Jan Black.

If you've ever found it difficult to set healthy limits in your personal and professional

relationships, we have some valuable information ahead for you.

On this episode, we'll find out why some of us have trouble setting boundaries and how we can

change. Joining us is psychotherapist and relationship expert Terry Cole, who says the most

successful and satisfied people on the planet have one thing in common, the ability to create and communicate clear,

healthy boundaries. Terry's latest book is called Boundary Boss, the essential guide to talk true,

be seen, and finally live free. Terry, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you so much for having me, ladies.

You write that every client who walks

through your door has a different problem, whether it's a cheating spouse or an overbearing boss

or nightmare family dynamics and so on. Yet at the heart of every single client's distress

is the same problem, a lack of healthy boundaries. I found that to be such a powerful

statement. Tell us more about that. Well, it's so true. And what's so interesting about why we don't

know is that we're really taught, right? Most of us are taught to be good girls, right? We're raised

and praised for being self-abandoning

codependence. So we do more work. We over function and we overgiven. As long as everyone else

has what they need and is happy, then we feel like we're okay. And that is having disordered

boundaries. And there's lots of ways disorder boundaries can be expressed, not just too porous, which is what that is, right, too malleable. You can also have boundaries

that are too rigid. But the flow through of what people had is that nobody talked about boundaries.

Nobody taught anyone about boundaries and the way most of us were socialized was the opposite of having boundaries. Nobody taught anyone about boundaries and the way most of us were socialized

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