and welcome back to Tobiashtit's evening news. It's news you can use before you snooze.

WSHIT lean and mean and first on the scene. An update on to the continuing health care from

Donna's Dairy Depot and Delicatessen. With over 137 people now affected by the ongoing

dysentery virus found in the milk and cheese buffet,

authorities have yet to stop the spread of the illness.

With almost all FDA employees now unemployed,

Crab Apple continues to see its residents fall ill with symptoms ranging from violent vomiting and fever to explosive diarrhea and tooth loss.

The head of Crab Apple's Health Department, recent RFK Jr. appointee Dr. Hervin Skokal held

the press conference to address the community and give us advice on the extreme symptoms.

Let's listen now to what the doctor had to say to the residents experiencing gastrointestinal issues.

A flame is going to come out because it will be on fire, and nobody will ever stick a penis in your butthole again.

And Dr. Skokul also added that residents should take their daily dose of colloidal silver.

And we wish all the best to our anally challenged friends.

We'll be back after this.

Commercial break.

On this episode of the commercial break.

Listen, if we were in the wine cooler business, that's where it's at. We're going to do a merch drop. I'm not even going to say when, because then it'll never happen, but we're going to do a merge drop and, like, Astor and now you're talking about it. And now I'm thinking wine coolers. Why not? Wine coolers. Let's drop wine coolers and then some weird hangover remedy made of beet juice.

Beach juice and colloidal silver.

I like it.

Maybe we should mix our wine cooler with our hangover remedy, the drink that gets you sober.

The with our hangover remedy. Wow, tasty. That gets you sober. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

2.30 in the morning!

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