Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. Hello, I always end up where I'm supposed to be?

Isn't that eclectic?

The other day my good Judy, Joan Jett, took me to a fashion outlet and we made bets over

cigarettes and sweet tea.

And after our shopping spree, Joan made a reservation for three at a rustic pizza joint

that had broomsticks on red bricks and complimentary bowls of hickory sticks.

As we were taken to our table of three, Joan looked over at me and she said,

Kelly, you have a very peculiar voice.

And I said, yes, that's because I took voice lessons from Bjork at the American Academy

of Dramatic Arts and Sciences of the Library of Congress.

Joan shrugged her shoulders and stood up, and she said, I'm going to go put another dime in the jukebox, baby. And as I looked over at the third reservation at the table for three,

I saw an empty chair staring back at me, and I reluctantly and delicately leaned in.

And I said, excuse me, but can you see me?

And the empty chair looked at me and said, yes, I can see you loud and clear, but I can't hear.

And I said, well, how did you know to respond?

And the chair said, because of your vibrations,

your sweet vibrations.

And at that point, Joan came back over to the table

and she tossed her leather jacket into the empty chair.

And it dawned on me that she had made that

reservation for three for that leather jacket. And I looked up at her and I said, Joan, you

sure do love that leather jacket, don't you? And she looked at me and said, Kelly, I love rock and roll.

...