Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

And this is the Kelly Mantle show.

Won't you come inside, the Kelly Mantle Studio?

Thank you. The other day, I was having pills and cocktails with my good Judy Parker Posey at a speak-easy on Vermont at the Vermont Hotel, where neither of us were guests.

And there was a sign on the wall that said,

Dressed to impress, which caused too much stress,

so we digressed into mock turtlenecks and black specks.

And just as the waiter was about to feel our flute full of champagne,

a perplexed look came over Parker's face,

and her frown caused her forehead to divulge the bulge of a very large vein.

And I said, Parker, are you insane? What's wrong?

And she said, oh, nothing, just pontificating some random thoughts I was thinking of on the aeroplane.

And I said, like what?

And she started to release all of these random thoughts from her brain.

Does Mary Kay and Ashley Olson share chopsticks?

Does Gwen Stefani think that Jesus Christ was a hollabat girl?

Our rhinoceros is scared of ostriches? Does Uma Thurman ever think why she was named Uma?

Will Rosie O'Donnell find peace in serenity in Ireland when Chenade could not?

Will America ever be America again

without brain rot? And just as Parker was about to share another thought, I vomited, and she laughed,

...