Welcome to the Daily Dad podcast, where we provide one lesson every single day to help you with your most important job, being a parent.

I'm Ryan Holiday, and I draw these lessons from ancient philosophy, modern psychology, practical wisdom, and insights from parents just like you all over the world.

Thank you for listening and we hope this helps.

Tackle this first. They're not listening. They're acting crazy, they're fighting with their siblings constantly.

You can feel them drifting in the wrong direction.

You can see their habits slipping, their grades declining.

They've just called to tell you that they've wrecked the car or of an accidental pregnancy.

Obviously, you're going to have to deal with this, but where do you start?

Connection first is Dr. Becky's advice in her amazing book, Good Inside. Connection as opposed to shame,

to criticism, to questions, to doubt, to consequences. There will be time for all that,

except for shame. Later. Now, to be clear, Dr. Becky Rice, connection does not mean approval. Connection is an

opening that allows for movement. Connection is when we show our kids, it's okay to be you right now.

Even when you're struggling, it's okay to be you. I am here with you as you are. So let's start by

slowing down. Let's start by letting them know that this doesn't change

how we feel about them. Let's start by letting them know that we're here to help, that we're on their

team. Let's start by letting them know we love them, which, as we've said, you cannot really ever say

too much. Once this is established, then we can get to work. Connection is not at

odds with accountability, with learning a lesson, with consequences, or even criticism. In fact, it makes

the chances of all those things landing even higher because they'll be listening. They'll be less

on guard. They'll see you as not part of the problem, but part of the

solution. I just did this talking to Alice and I was talking the presentation about how I try

to do something really hard every day. I run or bike or swim and then I do my cold plunge and the CEO is going, I do the physical stuff, but I've never done the cold plunge. Should I do it? And I said, well, here in Texas, it's like an absolute must, especially in the summer. I do a really hot workout like a bike or I run. And then I was like, if I just go straight into the shower, man, I'm going to

...