Ladies and gentlemen, Greg Proups.

The smartest man in the world podcast, once again takes to the ether here from the enormously gratifying celubrious surroundings of the varsity theater located right here in the very heart of dinky town in miniapolis, Minnesota ladies and gentlemen.

What can I say about a place called dinky town? First of all, the varsity theater is really nice, except if you're in the dressing room or backstage. The thing is this. I'm joking, of course. The bathroom upstairs is amazing. If you haven't gone, we may take a break in the middle of the show just so everyone can go up and look at it.

I don't know if you're familiar with the insane, modern-east architect, Anthony Gaudi from Spain, where everything turns into a swirling, whirling vortex of a shell, of a whirl, of a skeleton, of a deconstructed paleozoic creature. But that's what the bathroom's like. It's all these little pieces and it's all thrown together and there's giant weird shower heads to wash your hand under as if you're going to take a small, gentle bath or something. It's pretty wild.

I assume that people just get into a furious sweat in this theater and require a small shower to cool them down. There's also a pansexual, bisexual, ambisexual, male and female washing area, which it's a taste of old Europe is what it is. The crowd goes quiet. Apparently I'm more excited about it than you are. I like washing my hands with women, frankly. Sorry fellas. I enjoy chatting with you. When you're there with women, you're like, hey, how's it going? Good, I already know.

Instead of like, although one thing I do appreciate about men is it's not. Some guys break the social rule in the bathroom and they'll start chatting while you're like at the urinal and that's always like, really? Okay, this is going to be wild.

May I come to your house while you're doing something insanely personal and fucking chat with you about your life? Oh, I see you're on top of your life now. Hey listen, you want to talk about baseball?

I remember being in a bathroom in the Persian Gulf with Drew Carey. Very wonderful memory. Just the two of us. We can make it if we try. Just the two of us. Drew and I.

Under the Persian Gulf of the moon. That's when I saw Drew Carey swoon. We were in Tomb Raid, Oman, at a B1 bomber base doing a USO thing. And I remember going in and him and he'd been in the marine reserves.

And none of the guys would take it. We're only there one night. No one took a shower. They didn't want to use the horrible facilities because it was like, you know, stand up things with dinky curtains and don't drink the water and don't open your mouth and all that shit.

I can come on. So I went in and like it was like a cathedral in there. You know what I'm saying?

Sepulchro tone. No one looked at you. No one spoke with you. You did your business. You're your, you know, you did all the business behind very thin filament.

And, and yet it was as if it was a meeting of cardinals.

No significant eye contact. No chatting. No front organization. No grab ass. Let's be honest.

What's the thing you dread most as a man going into a fucking shower situation? Horse play. I don't want to towel snap to me. I don't want my balls commented on.

I know they look like Larry fine and shit. I get it. I get it. All right. Stop with the goofiness. All right. We're here to do a thing. Let's just do that thing and then move the goddamn hell on.

But Drew went in and I went in and all the other guys went, no one took a shower. No, we're going to wait till we get to the hotel the next day. I'm like, you fucking pussy.

Get in there and man up and you sand.

Get to the dirt, bitches. We're going to be one bomber base. You think these guys are fucking luxuriating every day. Like it's teety or something and shit.

In any case, we're here in a dinky town and across the street from this theater is a sign indicating that it's the dinky town post office.

So I go in today and I'm like, can I have a roll of stamps and the guys like, these stamps are enormous.

I can barely lift them. What type of enormous letter are you sending that you require? That's postage.

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