Hey, Freaks, it's Wednesday, February 4th, 2026.

Coming up on the program today, taint tanning goes mainstream.

Plus, the Meat Council's Criminal Investigation Unit, taking a dirty shoe to your DoorDash order,

and for the last time, stop sticking live grenades up your butthole.

All this, but your voicemails.

Did you get down to the beach yesterday

and look at the word I wrote in the sand? Yeah, you wrote the word crab. And with me, I've got a

piece of stationery and I've written down exactly what the word means to me. Every since prom,

I've liked being fucked by unproductive dogs. Well, sure enough,

I got crabs. I had a crab on my cunt so big you could have boiled it and added some season and

spice and had yourself a hell of a meal. I contracted those crabs from the prom king. He fucked

me in the limo after he accepted his award. He told me he wanted

to fill my slot with unprotected cock. That way he could give me his crabs. I thought he was

goofing around, but he was dead serious and loving every minute of it. Within a week, crabs had infested

my cunt. Every inch of my fuck bucket was covered

with those nasty little fenerio-german entitled crabs. Sometimes they would bite my clit and it

would feel great, but most of the time it was horrible and made me feel inferior. I didn't

know how to get rid of them and I didn't have health insurance,

so I lived with them for 10 years and 3 days. I tried sitting in tomato juice, but I heard

later that was for getting rid of skunk stint, so I figured if you can't beat them, join them.

I named every single crab that had moved onto the surface of my snatch. As far as I could

feel, there was 20. Raymond, Lupe, Bobby, Ernest, Dixie, Lawrence, Shirley, Steve, Alejandro, and Nece.

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