A note to listeners, this episode references explicit content that may not be suitable for younger listeners.

September 2008 in Rockville, Maryland, about 15 miles north of Washington, D.C.

John Edgar's walks into a quiz nose in a strip mall along a busy commercial strip.

He's mid-30s, an oversized skater jeans and a black hoodie.

He approaches the counter, but no one's behind the register to take his order.

A teenage girl in a quiz nose polo shirt sits with a young man at one of the tables.

Edgar's turns to her and holds up a quiz nose coupon for a free sub.

Hey, you work here? I'd like my free sub. I'll take the meatball.

The countergirl frowns at him. She's annoyed that he's interrupted precious time with her boyfriend.

We don't accept the coupon promotion. The best we can do is two dollars off any sub.

Edgar's drops the coupon on the table in front of her and jabs at the words free sub in all caps.

Read it and weep. It says free sub. I don't see anything about two bucks off anywhere, do you?

The countergirl ignores the coupon. She points one of her electric blue press on nails at a computer printout on the bulletin board.

By the drinks dispenser, it reads, there's no such thing as a free lunch. No coupons accepted.

Read that and weep. It's manager's orders. I can call him for you, but he'll just say the same thing.

The company won't reimburse us for coupons and he says if we honor them, we'd go bankrupt in a week.

You're like the 20th guy who's coming here today with one of those things.

Edgar's grabs the coupon and scans it for a phone number to call.

Forget this, I'm going to Mickey D's.

Later that day, Edgar's gets worked up all over again and calls an 800 number for Quiznos customer service.

He gets stuck in phone tree hell for 15 minutes and hangs up.

Variations on this scene play out in Quiznos across the country.

...