Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about the magic ratio. Have you ever kept track to see how many positive

or negative interactions you've had with your partner?

That may sound strange, but it's actually a big part of having a happy, stable relationship.

Couples need five positive interactions for every negative one, aka the magic ratio of five to one.

A negative interaction could be anything from using one of the four

horsemen, defensiveness, criticism, contempt, or stonewalling, to lashing out at your partner or forgetting

to do something that you told your partner you would do. Basically, anything that would result

in a difficult emotional state. For each one, you need five

or more positive interactions to even out the ratio. That might seem like a lot, but really,

it can be five little things that'll make a big difference in your relationship, like telling

your partner that you appreciate them, or showing them affection.

And remember that affection can be both physical and verbal, like holding hands, or saying,

I love you. Or do something for your partner like a chore, or some kind of task that they're

normally responsible for, take out the garbage, put the laundry away, or run some of their errands.

It can be as simple as showing your partner that you're thinking of them.

Buy or make their favorite treat.

Throw together that amazing dessert that they're always drooling over.

Or just ask them about something important that they told you about.

Maybe your partner has been stressing about a

big meeting. Follow up afterwards and ask how it went. Validating their feelings is another positive

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