Still Single at 40

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Education, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 15.6K Ratings

🗓️ 25 August 2025

⏱️ ? minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this classic Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther encourages him to look back and see if the clues can be found in his early parental relationships. Perhaps the work starts there. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected]. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	What you are about to hear is a classic Esther calling, a one-time intervention phone call
0:06.1	recorded remotely from two points somewhere in the world.
0:12.5	Hi Esther. I'm pushing 40. I turned 40 in about six months. And to this day, I've never had a
0:20.2	relationship that's gone beyond four or five months.
0:24.0	At first, like in my 20s 30s I thought this is cool, just kind of drifting through life, coasting about,
0:29.7	it's all good, but lately over the last few years it's really begun to concern me, especially as I begin to feel that I actually want a relationship.
0:42.5	Three, four months into the relationship, whatever, I just hit this wall.
0:46.8	I get anxious. I begin to withdraw. She will basically call me out at some point, and eventually
0:53.5	the relationship will just end because I just can't communicate what is and I'm going through.
0:58.6	I don't know what's making me anxious.
1:00.6	I don't know what to do.
1:02.6	Why can't I get past this point of a relationship?
1:06.0	And it's really upsetting to me.
1:08.0	Thank you.
1:26.2	Support for where should we begin comes from The Guardian.
1:28.8	Not all journalism is the same.
1:30.0	Take the Guardian.
1:34.1	Their coverage has something special, fierce independence.
1:38.6	Nobody owns them or tells them what they can and cannot say.
1:41.4	So they seek to report the whole picture.
1:45.3	They connect what's happening in Washington to the rest of the globe,
1:47.6	expose corruption wherever they find it,
	...

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