Well, the world in here, out there, everyone watching from low orbit, to the late show, I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

Ladies and gentlemen, you know, it's only April 12, 2023. The 2024 election is still 573 days away.

So let's get into it. Today. So just today, last night, we learned that Chicago will host the 2024 Democratic National Convention.

Come on, baby. Don't you want to go? This is great news because Chicago is my town, baby. I love the people.

I love the lake. I love the pizza that looks like an above-ground pool.

I love any place where it's okay to publicly utter the phrase, I want my beef wet.

I want my beef wet, actually. Of course, this won't be the Wendy City's first Democratic Convention.

Chicago is also famously where the DNC devolved into the most disturbing scenes of political chaos in history.

Of course, I'm talking about the 1996 DNC's brutal maca-raining.

They also tried that at the RNC, but the delegates who maca-rained were immediately deported.

Speaking, I know it's sad. It's very sad. Speaking of Chicago, Ireland, where President Biden is on a diplomatic visit,

as soon as he landed in Dublin, Biden showed off his gift of gab regaling Irish firefighters with this story.

It might be struck my home, literally all four floors, that thick smoke.

We're going to save my life, save my wife. I went there, but my cat and my Corvette.

That's no more luck, Jack. I'll tell you. Now, let me tell you.

Let me tell you guys are the greatest. You folks saved everything that matters.

Wife, life, cat, vet, okay?

Also, my funny calendar of cat, tribe, and Corvettes to the vet, okay?

A little Mr. February just says, meow, meow, room, room. Can't make that stuff up.

Okay, fellas, great to see you. Gotta go meet the King of the Lepican Steals, Lucky Charms. Be right back.

I was gone for a minute. Was Joe Biden just here?

Well, Biden is there to mark the anniversary of the Good Friday agreement.

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