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Please have a seat, everybody.

Welcome.

Welcome, one and all in here out there,

Mr. Mrs. America and all the ships that see to the late show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert.

Folks, I really didn't want to start the monologue by talking about the war,

but in honor of this administration,

I went into this without a plan. So, we've got to talk about it. I guess we're going to start

with that. I say war because it sure looks like a war, and Trump keeps calling her to war,

but Congress never declared it a war, and Maga was promised no new wars.

So the White House sent out a list of talking points to all the congressional Republicans,

telling them in no uncertain terms that if a reporter asks,

can you promise the American people this will not be a long-drawn-out war?

The answer to give is these are targeted major combat operations.

So it's worse than a war.

It's a war that got a thesaurus for Christmas.

Okay.

So it's not a war.

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