Stand or Sit, Scrunch or Fold?
The Two Pints Podcast!
Formidable
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 31 October 2025
⏱️ 12 minutes
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Summary
OK, so this one went on a wild journey that neither of us could have predicted! Will overshares in a very animated and detailed way about his toilet habits and Ralf tells the story of ‘one of the saddest days of my life’.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So you do this one, stood up. |
| 0:01.3 | No! |
| 0:02.4 | And then you bend over and you do this one. |
| 0:04.0 | No, no, no, absolutely not. |
| 0:07.1 | Then you have to wash your balls underneath afterwards. |
| 0:08.8 | Yeah, no, worry, of course, because you're wiping your own poo onto your balls. |
| 0:12.6 | I think I met a lady that used to do that once. |
| 0:18.2 | Hello, welcome to Two Pikes with Will and Ralph, episode six, a swift half. I've got listener questions here because we keep saying we're going to do them. Well, it's good to mention people who are listening to our show. Have you got anything? Well, I've got something my nephew sending. Do you know, we put out stuff on our pod. Any questions you've got, anything you want to tell us, we put it out there. My nephew mentioned something to me. And it was just a little story, he said. And it was, it was, it was in a lift with a lot of people. And they all get in the lift. And you know when it stops at you're on the top and it stops at every floor in the morning. You're trying to get to work, someone gets in, and then it's getting more and more full. It got to the first floor before, and it stopped. And this one went, what lazy bastard can't walk down the stairs and gets on to the first floor? The door opened, and it was a lady in a wheelchair. Oh, it's awful, that in it. Oh, did she, the lady in the wheelchair here? |
| 1:12.5 | No, but she couldn't get in because it was opened. |
| 1:15.9 | And they all stood there. |
| 1:17.7 | Frozen. |
| 1:18.4 | When the lift closed, they all went, |
| 1:20.3 | like, oh, creepies, like, you know, you want to just curl up and die. |
| 1:26.0 | Oh, God, I'm killing. |
| 1:26.6 | What lazy bastard can't walk down one floor |
| 1:29.5 | imagine if you'd have heard if she'd have heard as well maybe she'd imagine if she did here yeah |
| 1:33.6 | yeah but you know it's one of them things you know when you want to curl up and die we've done |
| 1:38.0 | this before yeah yeah people you've said things are so that's me Ryan Taylor uh my nephew |
| 1:42.8 | cheers right thanks Ryan um Griff oh this isn't in I think there is a whole debate here in this. We probably do an entire swift half on this. Oh, okay. Griff would like, he says, settle a debate for me and my mate. Okay. Do you sit down and wipe or stand up to wipe after you've had a shit? |
| 2:01.7 | Do you know what I do? Stand up and kink. No. Oh. I crouch and do both ways. I don't. Hey. No. Listen. I'm sorry. I want a demonstration immediately. All right. What are you talking about? Would you mean both? Stand up. I'll stand up. bless it. |
| 2:18.5 | So I do this one. |
| 2:20.5 | I'm sorry. I'm... I'm... What? Are you talking about? What? So you do this one, stood up? No! And then you bend over and you do this one. No! No! No, absolutely not. Then you have to wash your balls underneath afterwards. Yeah, no, all right, of course, because you're wiping, you wiping your own poo onto your balls. I think I met a lady that used to do that once. There's a very, what are you? No, I tell you why. What are you talking about? Because I've got a shit pocket, haven't no? No, I know. I have. It hides in there. And this is honest, I want you to know, |
... |
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