The following podcast contains explicit language.

Hello and welcome to the fifth birthday edition of Slate Money, your guide to the business and finance news of the week.

I'm Felix Salmon of Axios, and what do I want for my birthday?

I want you to go to signup.axios.com and subscribe to my newsletter.

It is my birthday.

Well, it is the birthday of Slate Money.

It is the fifth birthday of Slate Money. It is the fifth

birthday of Slate Money. We have been doing this for five years. And to celebrate, we're going to have a

birthday party with Emily Peck of the Huffington Post. Hello. Happy birthday. Thank you. And with

Anna Shamansky. Happy birthday to you. Thank you so much. And most excitingly, with Jordan Weissman of Slate.

I'm back, people.

He's back.

Jordan Weissman, as long-term five years subscribers to Slate Money might recall, used to be on this show.

That was part of the original lineup.

And so we've decided to bring him back for old time's sake.

And also because my ex-goat's colleague, Deanna Roboen, got a message from his friend Misha saying, what has happened to Jordan Weissman?

I don't know what this says about my career right now.

And so we needed to bring you back here just so that we could ask you, Jordan, what happened to Jordan Waysman?

Well, it's a long story.

I was sold off to a nomadic warrior tribe in the East for a while.

And then I managed to take over as their leader.

And I've been kind of, no, do is anyone here watch Game of Thrones?

...