Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about showing your gratitude by writing a thank you note.

If you're a person who keeps a gratitude journal, bravo, it's an amazing tool to help you pay attention to the things in life that are so easily taken for granted.

And writing down those moments of gratitude can have an incredibly positive impact on your life.

Well, here's a way to take your practice to a whole new level and positively impact your relationship to boot.

Instead of keeping those feelings of gratitude to yourself, closed up into journals,

why not share those feelings of gratitude with your partner in a thank you note?

Here's how it works.

At the end of the day or early in the morning, scan through your memory and focus on one

thing that your partner did that you're grateful for. Maybe they offered to take your mom to her doctor's

appointment, or maybe they gave you a quick shoulder massage as you were sitting at your computer,

or maybe they asked for your opinion about something that was important to them. Whatever it is,

share it with them in writing. And we're not talking through an email or text. We're talking an

actual handwritten note to say thank you. The act of writing is slower, more thoughtful, and more

heartfelt than doing it electronically. And as you write, really take the time to be

specific in the description of what they did that day that made you so grateful. Then leave the thank

you note on their place at the breakfast table the next morning, or on their pillow that night.

The thing is, saying thank you is one of the best ways to show how grateful you are for

your partner, and expressing your thanks will not just make your partner feel loved and appreciated.

It will also cause you to be more mindful of the caring things they do every day, and will

ultimately help strengthen your relationship. You can even take this to another level

...