Should I Have Another Baby?

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Society & Culture, Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.7 • 16.4K Ratings

🗓️ 6 April 2026

⏱️ 50 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

When we become parents, many of us quietly promise ourselves that we won't be like our parents. We're going to do it differently. This week’s caller finds herself wrestling with a deeper question: Is her longing for another child born from genuine desire or from defiance? After a traumatic start to motherhood, she's now yearning for another child. But beneath that yearning lies the doubt: Am I doing this for me, or to prove that I’m not like her? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. My annual Sessions Live two-day live event is coming up next month! Through clinical, cultural, and creative perspectives, Sessions Live 2026: Cultivating Aliveness: Desire & Its Disruptions explores how relationships are evolving, and how we can translate those insights into practice. Whether you’re a practicing clinician or curious mind, you’ll discover fresh insights and takeaways to help you connect and thrive. Come see me live on May 15th and 16th in NYC! Podcast listeners get a special discount with the code FRIENDSLIVE to get $100 off an in-person ticket, or FRIENDSVIRTUAL for $50 off a virtual ticket at checkout on the Sessions Live ticket page. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	In this following session, we discuss assault, and I want you to know this before you listen.
0:14.0	Hi, Esther, I am coming to you with a question at an interesting time in my life. I am mother of two beautiful
0:25.6	children, three and a half year old twins, and I am finding myself and have been finding myself for a long time longing for another child. This longing is complicated by the fact that I had a very
0:43.2	scary and intense and dangerous pregnancy with the twins, a very traumatic birth that has left
0:52.3	real scars behind and a period immediately in postpartum
0:57.0	where my children were born with health problems that thankfully have been resolved,
1:02.0	but there were a few months in the beginning where we didn't know if one of my children in particular,
1:08.0	if it would have an impact on their length of life.
1:12.4	And there were a lot of doctor's appointments and things to figure out related to these health
1:18.6	issues that the two of them had. And my question is about how can I move forward with another
1:25.8	pregnancy without bringing in a wish that is not fair to a new child,
1:33.5	that I would have a different experience this time, that I would have a more positive experience
1:40.6	as an experience that would be in any way joyful because there was really no joy or all of the
1:46.5	joy was clouded out by fear in my pregnancy birth and postpartum period and not putting that wish too
1:55.2	much on a new life because I don't want to have a child just to try and have a redemptive experience
2:00.2	because that's not a reason enough to bring a soul just to try and have a redemptive experience because that's not
2:01.1	a reason enough to bring us all into this world and it's not fair to that child.
2:06.5	So how do I tease out that I think natural hope and wish to have a joyful pregnancy, birth,
2:14.9	or postpartum period without making the wish so big that if it doesn't
2:20.8	happen, it will crush me, particularly as I am somebody who experienced abuse and neglect in
2:29.3	my childhood and youth.
2:31.0	And I've always wanted to be a mother and in some ways always wanted to create the
	...

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