Thank you, thank you. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I got a lot of compliments on my giblets.

I just had them wax. Happy Monday, everyone. So a Northeaster is headed for New York City. Because of the wind, Jesse Waters is being advised to double knot his hairpiece.

Republican Troy Nails is retiring from Congress, and he's tapped his identical twin to replace him.

But it's the same thing the brothers did when one of their wives was horny.

But it's true, Troy is replacing himself with his identical twin, which inspired Nancy Pelosi

to do the same thing with hers.

Thank you. Nancy Pelosi to do the same thing with hers. And get this, so is Jerry Nadler.

And you know what? I might do the same.

So for

Thanksgiving, P. Diddy

organized a holiday dinner for

1,000 inmates.

Not surprisingly, no one

touched the gravy.

I know.

The disgraced hip-hop star

is currently being held out of all places, Fort Dix.

Which, coincidentally, is also what he calls his anus.

I should have said butthole.

A mysterious pile of bones was found near a popular landmark in Scotland.

Police are warning civilians to keep an eye out for this suspect.

Hard to believe, but Ireland will finally introduce warning labels on alcohol.

...