The Bert Show

Let's do away with this fake online Mother's Day stuff.

Look, Mother's Day's over, kids are in school,

it's time to get real, go forecast.

And I just wanted to do a little event I'd love my kids but my son

Bert you jokingly called somebody else Captain Chaos last week and I've co-opted it for my son

Let me give you some and I've co-opted it for my son. Let me give you some background.

I have a four-year-old daughter and a two-year-old son.

My daughter, super chill, like just very laid back, high anxiety,

but like otherwise, very chill. we didn't really have to baby proof

anything like we did the standard outlets and stuff she never tries to get in

anything my son is the reason baby proofing stuff exists but I mean to a level where he'll mess with the

knobs of the oven and I pull him off and he's punching the liquor cabinet to try and

get... Oh wait a second that's where we put it that's where we draw the lock. You can burn yourself on the oven, but you better stay away from my larynx.

But it's like, let me jump off a couch, let me jump off, step, like every single thing,

I'm like, you have toys, you have games, I'm drawing with you but every time he

tries to like he just gets into stuff that he can't and he's only two and he's getting

better but now we're in the like biting hitting phase which my daughter never did so he'll

bitch slap me across the face and I'll be like ow and he goes what happened?

Like where did that come from? He like is not being a little jerk about it.

He genuinely, I don't think he understands it hurts.

And so you know, he, he pitched.

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