Hi. You're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

researched-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about sharing to heal. Are you keeping a thought or a feeling that's bothering

you deep inside? It could be something your partner said or did that's been

upsetting you for days. Like maybe you spent the whole day cleaning the house. And when your

partner came home, they made an offhand remark that there was still dust on the baseboards.

Over the next few days, that one remark has bothered you so much that it's built up in your

mind to extreme levels.

And you now feel totally unappreciated by your partner in every way.

Or maybe it's a shameful thought about yourself that you've kept buried deep inside,

but never spoken about.

And you're reluctant or scared to share it with your partner for fear of being rejected or judged.

But the truth is, if you take that thought out of the darkness, place it out in the open,

to shine a light on it, you might see that all the power you've given it will totally dissipate.

Another bonus? By sharing your thoughts, you'll actually be giving your partner a gift,

the opportunity to listen and understand, and deepen your relationship. But remember, the feeling of safety is paramount.

You both need to feel secure when sharing your thoughts and feelings. So sit down and talk about it

and make a shared goal of truly being open to listening

with understanding, with no judgment, no defensiveness, no reactivity, and no need to be right.

Instead, just be focused on being there for each other, open, supportive, and loving.

So share what's on your mind with your partner. Examine the thought,

eliminate the power you've been giving it. And finally, with the help of your partner's open and

...