Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about friendship.

No, not friendship with your pals, which of course is important, but friendship with your partner.

What's the difference? Think about it. Say you have a

best friend who's fun and smart and unpredictable. Every time you've planned a lunch, pre-pandemic,

they were invariably late, but you always let it go, because that's just one of their quirks.

It's never affected your friendship. You love your

friend and accept them just the way they are, a lovable, quirky, imperfect person. Now rewind that

scenario, and replace your friend with your partner. If they were late for a dinner out, would you be

so kind? Or would you be upset? Judgmental? Irritated? If so, you're

holding your partner to a whole different standard when it comes to friendship, and it's something

you need to explore. Why? Because friendship is truly the basis for every long-lasting relationship,

and the key to what makes it work well. Being friends with your partner is one of the

greatest secrets to making love last. If you feel like you could use some direction on how to create

a stronger friendship with your partner, take a listen to these simple tips. First, make your

friendship with your partner unconditional and accept the differences as you would with your friends.

Remember that even though you may disagree, you still love each other, and so treat them with the

same understanding and support that you would hope they would give to you. Connect in the small

moments. They're so important. For instance, say your partner realizes the light bulb is out in the hallway and asks if there's still some extra ones in the closet.

You shrug and say, I have no clue.

A better way of responding would be to say, let me check.

...