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Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Shame, Perfectionism & Smiling Depression :: Misty and Stephanie [Ep 154]

Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Kids & Family, Parenting, Leisure, Education

4.92.3K Ratings

🗓️ 27 February 2017

⏱️ 60 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Today I’ve invited two gals to the kitchen table. We’re chatting about some good-hard topics. Like a good workout, this was a conversation we did and didn’t want to have.

Praise the Lord, “shame” is no longer taboo. More and more people are willing to be vulnerable and share their struggles. And women are finding freedom from the thoughts of unworthiness replaying in their minds.

Since I’m confident Brene Brown’s research and writings stimulated this movement. Here are her words on the topic:

I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive.

In this conversation, Misty, Stephanie & I talk about how often inward shame leads to outward perfectionism. And eventually that can lead to (a new-to-me term) smiling depression.

As women of faith we can take our thoughts of unworthiness and exchange them for the Truth of what Christ has done for us. We can rest in His worthiness on our behalf. And rest in God’s pleasure over us. Believing He is for us and there is nothing we can do to earn or lose His love.

Thank you Misty for being brave and sharing your story. Thank you Stephanie for sharing your own struggles and professional insight. May we show one another grace and freedom, so that no one suffers alone. May more women gather around tables and have similar conversations (sign up here to host a GCM podcast club).

In this hour we chat about:
  • Inner shame talk and the burden of unworthiness.
  • Smiling depression
  • Believing the lie of not good enough
  • Becoming aware of our striving to gain worth.
  • What steps to take in healing shame/perfectionism/depression.
  • Finding safe community to be vulnerable.
  • Allowing a counselor to help you find more freedom.
  • What makes someone move through shame and why do others get stuck in it.
  • How shame impacts 17-24 year olds.
  • Two practical activities to increase awareness of other’s love and God’s love towards you.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You're listening to episode 154 of The God Center Mom Podcast with me, Heather McFagion,

0:11.2

and today I'm being joined by my good friend, Missy Persefield and her friend, Stephanie

0:15.3

Coker.

0:16.3

And we're having a girls chat about shame, perfectionism, and a new term to me, smiling

0:22.3

depression.

0:23.3

We've got this concept that's new in our literature called Smiling Depression.

0:29.7

And we have a whole name for it now that there are people that don't sort of fit our

0:35.3

traditional checklist as mental health professionals that tell us they need help.

0:40.7

In fact, they do so well at functioning that we miss screening for them.

0:47.5

If you're to love your neighbor as you love yourself, well, I've always looked at

0:52.2

that verse and said, oh yes, I need to put myself second and love my neighbor.

0:57.7

Well, if you love your neighbor as you love yourself, I don't think you want to be my

1:01.8

neighbor.

1:02.8

You know, it really starts with understanding who you are in Christ that you are worthy

1:09.6

that he has done it all.

1:11.4

And what does that really mean?

1:12.4

It means that I don't have to lose that 10 pounds.

1:18.1

I don't have to have the perfect dinner on the table when my head becomes home.

1:23.4

I don't have to get it completely right with my kiddos.

1:27.6

I don't know about you, but sometimes when I bump into people who seem like they have

1:30.9

it all together, I compare my worst parts with myself to them and I feel insecure.

1:38.1

Maybe I have an interaction with another mom or friend and it doesn't go so well.

...

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