Hey folks, this is John Hodgman. On today's episode of Risk, you'll hear Sarah's skilling.

It was like the first time I'd seen like a dick up close and...

It was alright. Uh...

That and more. But before that, here's some words from the almost absurdly sexy Kevin Allison.

Hey folks, this is Kevin Allison.

Hey, I wanted to ask, have you ever heard this song by Denise Lissal?

If you treat your lady like a stand-but-a-letter, lick it!

Before you stick it!

Don't lick it!

Before you stick it!

It's a terrific song. But I just want to make clear, she's not talking about how to get your postage out.

She's talking about tongue and clit. I know a better way to get your postage out.

And you don't need to lick shit!

Unless, of course, you're into that sort of thing. I mean, of all the parafilias,

that one is unforgettable.

My point is when you're not noshing on the crotch tacos or the ass apples,

you could be using stamps.com.

You can get your mailing and shipping done without leaving your desk!

Stamps.com turns your PC or Mac into your own personal post office that never closes.

You can buy and print a visual US postage for any letter of package using your computer and printer.

Then just hand the mail to the mailman or drop it in the mailbox.

You'll never have to go to the post office again.

...