Sex After Kids: What the Hell Happened? And What To Do About It.

After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings

Dear Media and Big Little Feelings

Big Little Feelings, Kids & Family, After Bedtime, Kristin Gallant, After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings, Deena Margolin, Parenting

4.7 • 5.7K Ratings

🗓️ 17 December 2025

⏱️ 63 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

You’re touched out. Your brain is fried. And sex feels like one more thing on the list. In this episode, Kristin and Deena sit down with sex therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband Xander Marin to talk honestly about what really happens to intimacy after kids, and why so many loving couples feel disconnected during this stage.

This conversation goes beyond surface-level advice and digs into the real blockers to desire: exhaustion, resentment, mental load, body changes, and the pressure to “get back to normal.”

You’ll learn:

• Why “low desire” is often a pleasure, energy, and safety problem, not a you problem

• How mental load and invisible labor quietly shut down intimacy

• What your partner is really asking for when they initiate sex (even when it comes out clumsy or annoying)

• Why going back to the honeymoon phase isn’t possible - and what’s available instead

• Simple, realistic ways to reconnect when you’re already depleted

If you’ve been missing closeness but don’t know how to get back there, or don’t even know where to start... Nothing is broken. You’re not failing. You’re just in a season no one talks about. And this episodes gives you real tools, real relief, and a clear path forward.

This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
0:03.8	Welcome to After Bedtime, where the house is finally quiet, but the real noise begins.
0:10.2	The thoughts, the questions, the wondering if you're doing any of this right.
0:14.2	We're Kristen and Dina, child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders of big little feelings,
0:19.8	and we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy.
0:23.6	Nope. We're here to tell the truth, the unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process.
0:32.6	Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks. It's about healing. It's about breaking
0:38.4	cycles. It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be. This is the place
0:44.1	where we say the quiet parts out loud. And we're so glad that you're here. Besties, welcome back to
0:50.7	after bedtime. And well, frankly, welcome back to me, Dina, too, because this is my first episode after having my baby. So I'm back and oh boy, do we have a really juicy episode for you today. And juicy is indeed the right word. We are talking about something that no one warned us about, not the sleep deprivation, not the diapers, the sex
1:12.3	and intimacy after having kids. Because, spoiler, it is not like the movies. Hell, it's not even
1:18.8	like it used to be. Your body's changed. Your brain is fried. You are touched out. You may be resentful
1:24.6	from carrying an invisible load of everyone and everything. You may be feeling weird about it. You may be resentful from carrying an invisible load of everyone and everything. You may be feeling
1:29.1	weird about it. You may be feeling disconnected. But here's the thing. It doesn't mean your
1:33.8	relationships broken. It means you are human. And today we're breaking down the messy, beautiful,
1:39.3	awkward, hilarious truth about sex and intimacy after becoming parents with two the most honest experts
1:45.8	out there. You are not ready for how much you're going to love today's guest. They are a real-life
1:50.1	couple, a therapist duo, and the internet's go-to sex and intimacy coaches, Vanessa and Zander
1:55.6	Marin. Vanessa is a licensed sex therapist. Zander is her husband slash business partner
2:00.7	slash professional
2:01.8	overshare. If you follow their Instagram, you'll know what I mean. Together, they're on a mission
2:06.5	to normalize the hard stuff and reignite the spark and rebuild connection in your relationship.
	...

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