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One of those many times of year people feel pressured to show up for gatherings.

Compliance is expected. We're saying no can be difficult when we decline invitations or set limits

on how much we can show up for others, it can result in either subtle or overt

pressure. When we set boundaries in our life, when we don't want to show up for certain engagements in in setting boundaries in our life, when we don't want to

show up for certain engagements,

in setting boundaries it can activate an internal conflict of on the one hand guilt

a sense that we're not doing something that we should and setting boundaries can result in a sense of guilt but on the

other hand it can also then be counteracted with a spate of self-justification and rationalization.

So internally we're caught back and forth between the sense of, oh, was that right of me to, was that okay that I said no versus then

justifying why we said no?

The ability to set boundaries is so important in terms of our growth and maturation and reaching

developmental stages in life where we can exert agency.

And in fact, Buddhism itself is a practice in many ways of setting boundaries,

abstaining knowing how to say no.

The Buddhas, if you follow the Polycannon, was spent refraining from engaging in activities that everybody else did and believed that he should engage in,

that very often he found unskillful.

Countless suitas.

...