Setting Boundaries for Yourself and Others
The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast
Ascension
4.9 • 7.7K Ratings
🗓️ 25 February 2021
⏱️ 10 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
We often receive the behavior we are willing to tolerate, but what does that mean for our daily interactions?
Communication is the clearest way to let someone know how you are feeling. When meeting with someone who you feel is being rude, we may try to give outward signs of our discomfort, but we can’t guarantee they’ll understand unless we tell them directly. And obviously, this isn’t easy.
There aren’t many people who love confrontation, and even some that do anything they can to avoid it. We’re always so afraid that if we bring up something that we want changed, or share something that’s hurting us, that we’ll destroy that relationship. But more times than not, confronting these things head on and setting these boundaries won’t hurt the relationship but will strengthen it.
This isn’t just relevant for our relationships with other people either - it’s relevant to our relationship with ourselves. How many times have we made personal goals or aspirations but never changed our behaviors to make them possible? We get the behaviors that we’re willing to tolerate, even within ourselves.
St. Ignatius of Loyala had an exercise where he would imagine two sides, the side of the evil one and the side of the Lord. In this exercise, he would look at his decisions and choices for his life and decide, based on which side they fell on, who he would ultimately join: the evil one, or the Lord. By birth we belong to the evil one, but by baptism we belong to the Lord. Each side is battling for us to come over to their side, and if we are striving to be on the Lord’s side, then we have to recognize boundaries for ourselves that we can’t tolerate.
This battle does not need to be fought alone—in fact, it can’t be. We must rely on the infinite grace of God, which he is longing to give us every second of our day. What are the behaviors we need to remove from our lives for the glory of God?
Ascension is proud to partner with authentically Catholic institutions and organizations committed to spreading the Gospel. Learn more about the sponsor of this episode, Ave Maria University.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Okay team here we go. Oh gosh. Oh don't you know here we go. |
| 0:19.2 | Hi my name is Father Mike Schmitz and this is Ascension Presents. A year ago I was having |
| 0:23.0 | I had a meeting with one of our focus missionaries. She was our team director and so we are at |
| 0:27.1 | a coffee shop and had a weekly meeting trying to check in. How's the team doing? How is |
| 0:31.7 | Minister on campus going? And at one point our coordinator texted me and I said oh that's |
| 0:35.7 | Heather I'm just gonna she asked me a question and I'm just gonna type no. And I didn't like |
| 0:39.0 | said it out loud. Like here's the text message that came in. I'm just gonna tell her no. |
| 0:44.4 | And our team director she said she was a really big moment. She said could you please not do that |
| 0:51.8 | when we're in a meeting? I was like wait wait do what? Could you please not answer your phone or text |
| 0:57.6 | people while we are in a meeting? And I was like oh my gosh yeah I just thought you know I just |
| 1:03.3 | thought it was quick answer. It's a one word answer two letters that's it. I'm done now I'm back to |
| 1:07.1 | you and she was like I understand but please don't do that when we're in a meeting. And so that was |
| 1:12.1 | that was the last time I ever did that in a meeting with her. You know it's interesting I've done it |
| 1:17.2 | in other meetings. I've done it with other people where we're having a conversation. Pick up the |
| 1:22.0 | phone. Oh there's a little goes off and send a message back but with her I didn't and it just |
| 1:28.4 | it made absolutely clear this what I think is a truth that we get the behavior that we are willing |
| 1:35.4 | to tolerate. We get the behavior that we are willing to tolerate. In that moment she made it |
| 1:40.3 | absolutely clear to me. She was unwilling to tolerate that behavior. And so all right the the |
| 1:46.9 | expectation has been communicated. I've received it and I agree. I know this now you are not willing |
| 1:54.0 | to tolerate this behavior. You know it's it's interesting. I sometimes find myself being late |
| 1:59.2 | arriving to meetings late but I find myself arriving to meetings late with the same people. There are |
| 2:03.9 | some meetings that I am never late for like absolutely absolutely ever. I mean sorry obviously we're |
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