His name is David Luke Flaugman, commander of the armies of the West,

general of the Somerset regions, loyal servant to the true emperor,

Thomas George Lüwellen-Shanklin, father to a noisy cat,

husband to a vegan, and he will have a salad in this life for all the next.

It's time for flats and shanks.

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of flats and shanks.

I'm David Flaugman.

I'm ill, Tom Shanklin.

Oh, no, you won't get a mention of it, will you?

Ill, as in what rappers used to say, ill, like sick, like dope, like actually really good.

I'm ill.

No one says ill.

I've never ever heard that.

I've heard him say sick, like, but not bro, I'm ill.

Bro, you're not even part of the grime scene.

You don't even know ill.

You know, Nars, the rapper, N-A-S, N-S, N-S.

Yeah.

His first album, Illmatic, one of the greatest hip-hop albums of all time.

I'm ashamed to say this.

I stole, and my family now know about this, I stole Tenquid off my little sister to go and buy that.

I stole her pocket money to buy it.

...