Self-Soothing When Anxiety Appears? (Episode 102)
Disordered: Anxiety Help
Josh Fletcher and Drew Linsalata
4.9 • 665 Ratings
🗓️ 7 March 2025
⏱️ 45 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
How can I learn to self-soothe when I get anxious and I'm terrified of my body or my thoughts?
Well ... while it might seem like launching into a soothing technique designed to control the fight or flight response is a good idea, this week Josh and Drew are talking about why the concept of self-soothing doesn't automatically make sense in the context of anxiety disorders.
Self-soothing, supporting yourself while you naturally work through difficult moments and experiences, is awesome. There are a few excellent examples in this episode of what that might look like (including a reference to Josh in a cozy onesie), but when we feel like we must immediately escape from feelings inside us because we are in what feels like an urgent situation, self-soothing can be counterproductive.
If you're struggling with the idea that you should be learning how to forcibly soothe your anxiety and frustrated because you can't find ways to reliably or consistently do this on demand, this episode is worth a listen ... even if it took us almost 30 minutes to mention crying, which is one of the greatest organic natural soothing responses of all time.
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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out Worry and Rumination Explained, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems.
https://bit.ly/worryrumination
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | When is it okay to self-soothe and when is it being counterproductive towards your recovery or |
| 0:09.8 | accessing your life again? So there's self-soothing and then there's control and control usually |
| 0:14.8 | tries to kick in when it feels urgent. That's an indicator that you might be engaging in counterproductive |
| 0:20.1 | control as opposed to soothing. |
| 0:22.6 | Self-soothing is a way to not feel bad. |
| 0:25.6 | In the midst of an exposure, then we don't do that. |
| 0:30.6 | And you're coming home and you're tired and the exposures are over. |
| 0:33.6 | I'm going to put on my onesie, make a nice hot drink, be cozy in my little |
| 0:38.7 | hermit mode and watch TV, yes. That's not control. Let me, let me support myself as I get |
| 0:45.4 | through this experience as opposed to I got to stop this experience right now. |
| 0:53.0 | Welcome to Disorder. This is episode 102 entitled Self-Soothing. I'm Joshua Fletcher, also known as |
| 1:01.6 | Anxiety Josh, and I'm a psychotherapist, an author who specializes in the topic of anxiety and anxiety |
| 1:07.3 | disorder disorders. Disordered? Disord disorders or specializing something along those lines |
| 1:15.5 | anyway um really happy to be a co-host of this wonderful podcast i'm looking forward to talking about |
| 1:20.6 | this subject today we're going to do self-soothing i'm drew linsalata the other dude behind the |
| 1:25.1 | mic at disordered also a therapist in new york, practicing in the area of anxiety and anxiety disorders. I'm sure I say it, right, former sufferer, an author on the topic, social media guy, you know the deal. So what are we going to talk about saying it correctly, Drew? No problem. I'm happy to correct you in public whenever it. Self-soothing. This is a really good topic. Credit to you for thinking of it as you were strolling through Manchester. Yeah, I mean, it's good because, I mean, there's nothing wrong with self-soothing. It's a really, you know me, I bang on about compassion. I think it's a really compassionate thing to do, to be your friend, to self-soothe. Yep. |
| 2:01.0 | But obviously in the world of anxiety disorders, it's nuanced, isn't it? |
| 2:05.2 | When is it appropriate to self-south? |
| 2:07.4 | What does it look like for anxiety disorders? |
| 2:10.2 | And yeah, let's talk about it today. |
| 2:12.3 | Yeah, I agree. |
| 2:13.2 | I think a really good example of self-soothing where it becomes helpful. |
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