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The Steve Austin Show

Secret Location - SAS CLASSIC

The Steve Austin Show

PodcastOne

Society & Culture, Comedy, Sports, Wrestling, Talk Radio

4.88.2K Ratings

🗓️ 17 August 2023

⏱️ 56 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Stone Cold Steve Austin is tellin' tall tales and weavin' yarns...and making chicken salad out of chicken shit! And this is some seriously funny chicken salad! Jerry Lawler, Brock Lesnar, The Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, and Spanx for men! The story of the scuba-diving, whale-saving hero; extraordinary one-arm bench presses, and... they're "pictures of myself BY myself" they ain't no damn selfies!

Transcript

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0:00.0

The following program is a podcast one.com production from Hollywood, California by way of the broken skull ranch. This is the Steve Austin show. Give me a hell. Yeah.

0:10.0

Yeah. Now here's Steve Austin coming to you from my secret location. I was trying to keep my location on the cafe moment down low.

0:20.0

Nobody knew where I was at, but it seems like that is quite impossible with the advent of Facebook, social media, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

0:29.0

So basically folks, I'm coming to you from LaVonia, Georgia and Lake Hartwell, Georgia. And I'll tell you what, ever since I rolled into this town, this is probably one of the most friendliest places I have ever been in my entire life.

0:43.0

People out here, it's a goddamn friendly. It is absolutely beyond me. So to the people out here in the Hartwell, LaVonia area, thank you for all your hospitality. I appreciate it.

0:54.0

You all got some badass stuff out here. The country is absolutely beautiful. Got a badass grocery store to get on my groceries. I'm on the house over here at the lake. I got a dock over here.

1:07.0

And I ain't got the keys to the jet ski out there. Maybe I go rent me a boat or do something like that because now that I'm out here in the lake, I can tear this motherfucker up.

1:17.0

That last time and I'll touch all that story about me, renting that boat in the Pacific Ocean. I didn't have nowhere to go. Once I come out at Marina, we was out in the ocean.

1:27.0

And then Ways was coming over the damn top of the boat. Y'all heard the damn story. And my wife's yelling me to slow the fuck down. And we took it back to the Marina. But this lake is so green and smooth. I might bust out of water ski, get my big ass out there on the damn top of that water. Start cutting back and forth. If I can find me a driver, don't think don't give me wrong.

1:48.0

And they say, Steve, you can't ski. Shit. Growing up as a kid, we learned how to ski at Port of Conor Texas and at Inter Coastal Canal. Me and all my brothers and my sister. I was a ski and son of a bitch back in the day.

2:02.0

And don't even think about a boogie board, a wakeboard, whatever they call him, things anymore. I was the main man from Amsterdam on that motherfucker. So anyway, I don't know that I'll get out in the boat on the lake.

2:14.0

But if I get the keys to that jet ski and you know what? With some of my four and one screwdrivers, my pocket knife, I might be able to go out there and hot wire that motherfucker take it for a ride.

2:27.0

Then again, I might just ask the people that I'm written the house from if they will let me bar it. And that would circumvent the fact that I would have to hot wire said jet ski.

2:38.0

Anyway, hey, it's going to be an interest in show folks. I got this sweet ass crib I'm staying at. But I don't think these people are used to ridding their house out because there's so many personal effects that they left behind.

2:53.0

I ain't got no room to put on my groceries. I rolled up into the grocery store the other day after I finally got checked out of the holiday and select.

3:03.0

Well, let me give a shout out to all the people over at the holiday and select y'all done treating me like gold while I was there had a great time staying with you.

3:13.0

But I got to have a washing the dryer. I got to have some other things going to be able to cook my own meals with no stove over there.

3:20.0

So I had to fly the coop and come over here. Now the problem with this place is you're not going to believe this folks that ain't no wireless internet over here.

3:30.0

And when I was signing the papers to come over here and I thought that there was a little bit of internet over here. And then a guy tells me, well, if you walk over to the next door neighbor's house, if you're over on that side of the house, you can get on his guest network and you have a great signal.

3:46.0

All you got to do is go over there and introduce yourself to him and see if he'll give you the pass code so you can get on.

3:53.0

Now that sounded good at the time, but my stupid ass should have said, hey, Mr. So and so can you throw down a call to gimmick name and let him know that I'm going to come over and introduce myself.

4:05.0

And maybe he can let me get the code so I could get on his guest network so that I can entertain the fine folks and listen to the Steve Austin show so I can get on to my Skype account and talk to some wrestlers while I'm down here.

...

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