People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, but the holiday season trudges on, am I right?

I think my least favorite aspect of the holidays is we're always expected to celebrate the exact same way.

There's no variety. Like, from me, I'll sneak down to that stupid little village in the valley below my mountain cave home.

Steal all their Christmas stuff in an attempt to cancel the holiday.

Hear them caroling the next morning during a sledding mishap,

then go rocketing back down towards the village, all their trimmings and gifts in hand.

So I can fly right past the town, no sign of stopping,

while shouting, redemption arcs are hack.

Shame on you for expecting one you curlicue-headed freaks,

and continuing on to the village landfill

to watch all their holiday garbage sink into the tar.

Now, sit back and enjoy the show.

The show. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon.

I'm your host, Arnie Neacamp.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

Over 10 and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal

behind a Burger King in Chicago

into the magical, fantastical land of foon.

Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal

through the dimensional rift,

and I use that to upload a podcast

recorded here in the tavern,

...