People of Earth, the following podcast is not real.

Now, this may come as a disappointment, but you're not done.

You've navigated to this page or you've successfully downloaded a file.

But now you have to listen to the thing.

I know, I know.

But the good news is you can completely tune out, or do a bunch of

other stuff at the same time. Think of it like listening to a family member, or a person at your

front door talking about how we have evil alien ghosts living inside us. Oh, that's not where

evil alien ghosts live. They live in an abandoned Dave and Busters outside Madison, Wisconsin.

I wonder if they're doing their big Halloween party this year.

Ugh, I am staying away from the karaoke machine this time.

Unless they have the come-from-away soundtrack, I wouldn't be able to resist.

What were we talking about?

Oh, yes, sit back and enjoy the show.

Music What were we talking about? Oh, yes, sit back and enjoy the show. The show. Hello from the Magic Tavern.

A weekly podcast from the magical land of foon.

I'm your host, Arnie Kemp.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

Ten and a half years ago, I fell through

a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional Rift, and I used that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the ruffled feather, in McShingleshane Forest, on the outskirts of Hogs' face in the magical land of Foon. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Chunt the Talking Badger. Maya, baby. Maya? Huh? Maya? Well, I think I said, Alia. What did I say? I'm pretty sure you said Maya. Okay. Are you thinking about your mom? I think I'm always, that's my secret, Arneas. I'm always thinking about my mom. Yeah. Even though, and oh boy, I don't even want to go here. Like, you're thinking about your mom. You say nasty shit sometimes. You're always thinking about your mom? No, no, no. I mean, I think it's just like backburners. So you know how some of the, what we call stoves in the foon, the woodburning stoves? Mm-hmm. You know how the fire can like lick underneath one spot and then also lick under another spot? No, but I understand the metaphor enough. Okay, so there's front burners and there's back burners. You can have something on the back burner and something on the front burner and never the twain shall they touch. I see. So you're always thinking about your mom in a way subconsciously that you'll never fully understand. I think so. Yeah, that makes sense. Wow, thank you, Doctor. You can also just have two ideas at the same time. Huh? Like, you can be hungry while you also want to defeat all the evil in the world. Whoa. It's true. Arnie, it's true. Think about it. Close your eyes and think about it. I'm having a hard time thinking about those two things at the same time. Okay. Well, tell us about... Are you tired? You look very tired. You look so tired. I'm so tired.

Oh, and I'm going to talk about why I'm tired, but before I do that, before I forget, I also

do want to introduce my other co-host. He can think about two things at the same time. Usador of the Wizard. I am Usador, Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical lights,

...