People of Earth, the following podcast is not real.

And concerning the rumors that 95% of our listening audience is now bots,

I say that makes a lot of sense.

And so to all our bots out there,

I hope you're not a big fan of meticulous story construction.

In fact, since bots largely spew the same information over and over into the world,

each time only slightly reworded, I think you're going to like it here.

Now, sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of food.

I'm your host, Arnie Kemp.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

Ten years and three or four months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical

land of food.

Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I use that

to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the ruffled feather on the outskirts of

the town of Hogs' face in the magical land of foon.

And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Shud the Talking Badger. Bing Bong. How you doing, buddy? Oh, I'm doing pretty good. Arnie, I don't know if you can see, but our goat named grapes is going nuts behind the counter. He is making so much wine. Yeah. You'd say he's grape nuts? He's grape nuts.

He's stomping so many grapes.

Here's my question.

I think maybe you're the only one that could answer that.

Do you think grape is going nuts behind the bar because he was thinking he was going

grape nuts?

Or was that just like a surprise discovery on his part? Ernie, I'm not sure what you're asking, but yes. Okay. Oh, oh, no. Oh, he just fell. Oh, I hope he's okay. He was stomping grapes and then he fell. Oh, I see. Do I have to walk you to it? Yeah, I don't have to ask a follow-up question about that one. That one, I feel like this is going to be a pretty big cultural moment. Yes, absolutely. Guys, can I be honest, was it a mistake for us to not do one of our classic walking up to the tavern openings when we come to a new location? I'm just so excited that we're back of the ruffled feather on the outskirts of Hogs' face. I just wanted to, like, start the podcast at the table. Arnie, we're outside waiting. We're going to walk up now. You coming in? Come on out, Arnie. No, guy, come in. Inside. Whoa, Yusador, look at this. We're back at the ruffled feather. Wow, back here with all the rufflers. Wow, this is crazy. Oh, there's our old friend Arnie. Arnie, it's been so long. We just walked up to the tavern. Oh, you guys are too committed to versimilitude.

...