Season 3 Trailer - When The Cops Say No, We Say Yes

Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes

Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes

True Crime, Detective, Comedy, Shat, Lesbian, Society & Culture, Wedding, Crime

4.6 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 22 July 2025

⏱️ 5 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

WE’RE BACK! This season, ‘Detective’ Lauren Kilby and Assistant to the ‘Detective’, Karen Whitehouse, return to take on a fresh batch of ridiculous mysteries and listener-submitted non-crime crimes from around the world. Our case selection criteria is simple: “anything the cops laugh at is a case for us.” We give ourselves 24 hours to crack each case, and that’s because time is money but also because precision / professionalism are overrated.

Follow @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. Episode 1 drops July 31, 2025.

Sound design @juanthummler

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Every day the police are inundated with a high number of calls.
0:06.0	911, what's your emergency?
0:07.8	Hi, I'd like to report a crime.
0:10.1	I've got a crime to report.
0:11.2	I have a claim to deport.
0:12.5	I'm the victim of a crime.
0:14.7	But the cops are refusing to take on some of these cases.
0:19.0	What's your emergency?
0:20.2	Someone's shot on the wall at my wedding.
0:21.6	Someone shot in my dishwasher.
0:23.6	Someone shot on the floor at my sister's wedding,
0:25.6	wrapped it in their wedding vows, and hid it behind a painting.
0:29.6	Someone's broken into my home and cleaned it from top to bottom.
0:32.6	A cooked lasagna suddenly appeared in front of my tent and it's freaking me out.
0:36.6	Somebody has been anonymously planning fluffy dinosaur toys of increasing size on my porch.
0:43.5	Victims of non-crime crimes have had nowhere to turn until now.
0:48.6	Hang on, I'll transfer you to someone who can help.
0:52.0	Karen.
0:53.5	Okay, I'm going to get it.
0:54.7	Keep the phone.
0:56.1	Hi there, it's assistant to the detective Karen Whitehouse here.
0:58.7	How can I help?
	...

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