S3 E1 Fecal Fugitive - Part One

Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes

Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes

Wedding, Society & Culture, Crime, Comedy, True Crime, Detective, Shat, Lesbian

4.6 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 30 July 2025

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

A dream wedding in the woods takes a filthy turn when a guest leaves more than just memories behind. With the cops refusing to investigate, the detectives race to unmask the poopetrator. Was it the wedding bean obsessed brother-in-law? A bridesmaid in political sweatpants? There’s only one way to find out, and it may or may not follow standard police procedure.

Follow @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes

Sound design: @juanthummler

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Transcript

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0:00.0	911, what's your emergency?
0:11.6	Something horrible happened to me.
0:13.4	Someone shat on the wall at my wedding.
0:15.3	Oh, you've got the wrong department, ma'am.
0:17.3	This is the police.
0:18.5	We deal with real crimes.
0:19.9	Hang on, I'll transfer you to someone who can help.
0:21.6	Karen.
0:22.6	Karen.
0:23.6	Okay, I've got it. Get the phone.
0:26.6	Karen, pick up the phone.
0:28.6	Okay, you're gonna get it.
0:30.6	Now. Give me one second. I'm just finishing my first gap.
0:33.6	Honestly, Karen.
0:34.6	Hi there, it's assistant to the detective, Karen Whitehouse here.
0:37.9	How can I help?
0:38.8	Hi, I have a crimes report.
0:41.2	Someone chat on the wall at my wedding.
0:43.7	Oh, okay.
0:44.6	I'm going to have to patch you through to the lead detective for this kind of case.
0:47.9	Hold the line.
0:52.8	All right, here we go.
	...

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