The tunnel came out where? A sushi bar? And all you can eat sushi bar? No, no. I want to escape, but the right way, you know. Keep digging. Thank you, you're wonderful with that sharpened spoon. No, no, just accept the compliment. Was that so hard?

Incoming call. Why the hell does prison have call waiting to get new story pitches from Piper Kermann? Decline. So, here you are, Earth. About to be exposed to a sound that could tear your planet in half. My notes say insert Josh Groben joke here.

Eh, that works as it is. Well, Earth, I could block this transmission, but then I'd have my own problems to deal with. Other than who keeps stealing my hint of cheesecake body scrub from the communal shower. You're on your own. Sit back and enjoy your imminent destruction.

Alright, say it. Oh, alright. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host, Arne Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, oh, no, you have picked the wrong week to tune in. But still, you know, I'm such a professional that I really have to do some table setting because you know what?

That's what you do on a podcast about four years and four weeks ago. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of food. Luckily, well, I usually say luckily, but unlucky. I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff. And I have been all of this time using that Wi-Fi to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of food.

I'm thinking I was doing it for good, and also let's be fair to kind of like up my own social media cred. But a little did I know that I'm about to be hoisted on my own podcast. Is that how the expression goes? Anyway, I am joined, as always, by my co-host, my good bud. I'm very sorry still that your husband died at your wedding. Trump's a talking badger. Thank you. You don't have to say that every time you introduce me now. What is the time frame? Like after someone's husband explodes,

during consummating their wedding, what's like the grace period of having to introduce you as that? Yeah, I don't know if there's an exact number. I'd say 17 days, but I don't. That's just a ballpark figure. Yeah, it's either three or four weeks I can't remember. It's hard to keep track. Maybe a listener at home could send in a spreadsheet or something. Yeah, that'd be great if you could crunch the numbers. And I'm also joined, as always, by Yousadore the Wizard. Hey, I'm Yousadore. Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesiest master.

I'm a manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos. Yes, I've coughed blood into that rag. I'm covered in these chains, these mystical chains that mute my powers and make me unable to cast magical spells and make magical potions. I'm a diminished wizard once again. A desert. Total desert. I don't care for that, but it's all right.

And I mean, I guess our guest this week is Baron Raccoon, who, you know, I got to give it to you. You did totally turn the tables on us, recaptured hog face. And now you're going to use this podcast to destroy all of Earth. That's correct. I just want to say to everyone on this special episode. Goodbye from the magic tavern. Oh, you've been sitting on that mother fuck. I should have started with that. Although I don't want that to happen. Yeah, people of a if you can hear me now.

Get into your rocket ships and fly away from earth as fast as you can just as any promised me you could escape. Now is your only opportunity or walk in pop away. Yeah, you can walk in pop. That's a good chance. That's a good idea. Yeah.

People of Earth, your fate is sealed. This will be the last podcast you ever hear, which I assume is a very poignant thing on Earth.

Podcasts being a cornerstone of your culture and cultural heritage. That depends on if they have a commute.

More of like a corner than a cornerstone. It's like often the corner people might wander to the corner and listen to a podcast. I think.

Well, the point is we have succeeded. We have made your podcast popular enough that the reach of this magical auditory weapon, the panelo, can use it to destroy your little world.

Oh, Arnie, I mean, I know everything's about to explode and be done, but can we make a shirt that says popular enough? Popular enough? It's a pretty good poll quote. I think that describes us pretty well.

It's so insidious, Baron, that when the Dark Lord first took over Hawks' face, I just thought he was invested in the podcast doing well, but to turn that against us in the final hour of the show.

The Dark Lord moves in mysterious ways. He sees many steps ahead far beyond what you or I can see. And basically, if you think he was doing one thing, he was doing another. I got your nose.

Only I had my powers and I could return your nose to your face.

I even really, really metaphorically got my nuts. I think, right? My nose is still here, right?

Arnie, don't look in the mirror. Don't look in the mirror right now.

Will you guys say that to me all the time?

Well, sometimes you have to invest in yourself.

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