Warning, this sentence might be the only one in the show that has no chance of offending you.

This week's episode of the Skating Atheist is brought to you by Mike Huckabee's new iPhone mobile app.

It turns your ejaculate into the biography of an existing person using your DNA schedule.

It's ZY Ghostwriter.

Just deposit your semen on the front of your phone and the genetic fingerprint reader will unlock your screen and fire up our software.

Based on the information contained in your seed, we write your unborn child's life story so you'll know who you're murdering every time you masturbate.

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And now the Skating Atheist.

Hello, it's me, Ray Cunfit. I'm calling from the new life ministries just to let you know I've changed my mind and that we did in fact evolve from Filthy Monkey Me.

And it's Thursday. It's August 13th.

And approximately 2% of lost TV remotes are in the freezer.

That's why I keep looking there. I'm Noah Luzziens. I'm Heath Henry.

And from Title Town, USA, Val Dosta, Georgia. Look at this.

The Skating Atheist.

On this week's episode, the Texas Appeals Court considers whether marriage constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.

Louis Gomerot invokes Lord of the Flies to prove that gay marriage is unrealistic.

And Lucinda will join us to wonder why the fuck we're still reading epistles.

But first, the Dian Try.

You know that you've made at least one decision right in your life.

When you get to buy a Jesus in the Apostles place at Tiamupt, whack them all with a three wood, and then write it off as a business expense.

The last Saturday I had a buddy come up from Florida to do a photo shoot for some of our PR stuff.

And of course that included stuff like headshots and group photos.

...