Today's episode of The Skating Atheist is brought to you by Scott's new brand of retroactive

thalmiturgical fertilizer post-mortem miracle grow. Do you have a deceased pontiff, a few

miracle shy of canonization? Well, just dump this fertilizer on that fertilizer and watch

the miracles grow. Miracle grow, making miracles out of bullshit since 1868. And now, The Skating Atheist.

Cue slow. This isn't really Stephen Hawking, but we did really evolve from filthy monkey men.

It's Thursday, it's July 4th, and I only like snakes and sparklers. I'm your host No Illusions,

and from seasonably patriotic New York, New York, this is The Skating Atheist. On this week's episode,

we'll learn why gay sex makes Jesus cry, Buddhists will weigh in on all that blasphemous

yolo shit, and I'll put the opening of the second chapter of the god delusion to music, but first,

the diatribe.

I had about half a dozen listeners email me the same article from the CNN belief blog this week.

The headline read, Christians are happier than atheists on Twitter. So before I even click the

link, I'm already salivating, I'm ready to skewer the shit out of this pseudoscientific nonsense,

so I read the article, took a look at the research, and I read their conclusions, and unfortunately,

as much as I'd love to unleash both barrels in my verbal ought six on this thing, it turns out

that there's just nothing there to criticize. The research was sound, the methodology was solid,

the conclusions were perfectly defensible, and it turns out that they're right,

where a bunch of miserable, hateful, unhappy fox. I know this might come as a surprise to you,

because you might often mistakenly think that you're happy, but you can't argue with science.

In fact, you might as well just stop arguing all together and dive headfirst into a tub of

caramel sutra laced with Xanax, for you will never know joy. So quick, before you slit your wrists,

we'll sit in a running car and drink and bleach. Let me explain to you how the advanced new science

...