SC 152 - Ellen Boeder - My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection
The Jayson Gaddis Podcast
Jayson Gaddis
4.7 • 999 Ratings
🗓️ 24 August 2017
⏱️ 43 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why "the repair" is so critical in a strong partnership. It's essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage.
SHOWNOTES
- What does a good relationship look and feel like? [7:00]
- Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [8:00]
- Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [18:00]
- What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[20:00]
- How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [23:00]
- What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [30:00]
- Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [34:00]
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I was in a state where I was like I can't the words are making me more upset sort of |
| 0:05.5 | yeah like I just could myself like this is making it worse and I just needed you to give me a hug |
| 0:12.0 | you know and and feel like you care I just need to give me a hug, you know, and feel like you care. I just need to feel that in my body that |
| 0:15.9 | like you're here, you're here for me, you know, we'll talk about it in a minute, but |
| 0:20.5 | yeah, I needed that first I think. Howdy and welcome back to the relationship school smart couple |
| 0:45.4 | podcast where you can learn to become a smart couple someday by going |
| 0:51.6 | to school folks getting the education you never got. |
| 0:56.0 | That's what the relationship school is all about and you can become that smart couple. |
| 1:02.0 | You can have a safe, |
| 1:04.0 | sexy, successful relationship over time, |
| 1:07.0 | but only if you learn. |
| 1:09.0 | And so hopefully this podcast will help you in that direction. |
| 1:14.8 | Okay. |
| 1:16.8 | All right, this is a big episode just for the simple fact |
| 1:21.9 | that my wife's on it and it's our two-year anniversary. |
| 1:25.8 | Not the marriage, but the podcast's to your anniversary. |
| 1:31.4 | Our wedding anniversary is coming up in September. |
| 1:34.6 | 10 years, guys. 10 freaking years, married 10 years. Together about 14, give or take some breakups. |
| 1:47.6 | Ouch, those hurt. |
| 1:51.6 | I was still working a lot of shit out. |
| 1:54.0 | So, anyway, a million downloads guys, thanks to you, |
| 1:58.8 | we have reached over a million downloads here |
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