SC 138 - How Having Expectations Can Hurt Your Relationship - Christine Hassler

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 981 Ratings

🗓️ 6 July 2017

⏱️ 41 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

There are two giant ways we screw up our relationships. One is by breaking agreements. The other is by never having agreements to begin with.

Broken agreements can be great opportunities to open a dialogue with our partner about our needs, renegotiate our agreements if they no longer make sense, or even draw a hard boundary around what we will and won’t tolerate.

But what happens when we never have agreements to begin with?

Expecting our partner to do, be and act a certain way without clearly communicating is a recipe for an almost certain 'sh*t hitting the fan’ fight.

In this conversation with Christine Hassler, we dive into the world of agreements, communication and what she calls ‘expectation hangovers’.

Make sure to listen carefully for the three ways that we fall prey to toxic (and easily preventable) expectations that can blow up in our faces when left unchecked - in our relationships and in our lives.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Christine’s story [7:00]
How beliefs ingrained early in childhood can show up as physiological symptoms later [10:00]
What depression can tell us about suppressed or repressed emotions [10:00]
What Christine calls “Journey Mates” (and why not all break-ups are a bad thing) [12:00]
Exercises for self-compassion and self-awareness [17:00]
The difference between Agreements and Expectations [23:00]
How to handle broken agreements in relationship [25:00]
How to handle it when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations [25:00]
What is an “Expectation Hangover”? [26:00]
What we DON’T want to do when dealing with an Expectation Hangover [28:00]

Transcript

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0:00.0	one of three things happen life doesn't go according to your plan it does go
0:04.0	according to your plan but you don't feel like you thought you would like you
0:06.4	finally are in this marriage but you still don't you're not free from your
0:09.3	sadness or depression or low self-forth or whatever it was that you thought the marriage was going to fix.
0:14.0	Or life just throws you an unexpected curveball.
0:17.0	Yeah. the Hey, welcome back to the relationship school's smart couple podcast. My name's
0:42.0	Jason Gatos. I'm your host and we are going to get into partnership,
0:47.2	long-term relationship, and marriage and monogamy in this podcast. If you're new, welcome. We are all about growing through our
0:56.2	challenges and turning them into opportunities in our intimate
0:59.8	relationships. We are all about romantic relationships and how to do them well and it's a challenge.
1:08.0	So we give you lots of tips and tools on how to help you with that.
1:12.4	If you're returning, I'm grateful you're back.
1:15.0	Thank you.
1:16.0	Good to have you're psyched.
1:18.0	And as a small token of appreciation,
1:20.0	if you want to leave us an appreciation, a small token of appreciation, please leave us a review on iTunes.
1:28.0	You can go to Jason Gatis.com slash podcast review if you want instructions on how to leave a review right from your phone.
1:35.0	We always appreciate that. It means a lot to us as a thank you for all the content and information you're getting here, Okay, for free. Cool. Now my next guest is
1:47.1	Christine Hasler and she has got a really really cool story and she talks about being on antidepressants and her divorce very openly here.
1:59.0	I think you're going to learn some good lessons from it and I'm psyched to dive in. We also talk about expectations and
2:05.8	why expectations are so damaging in relationships. And often we're putting our expectations
2:12.0	and trips on our partner and it's implicit.
	...

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